Sunday 29 September 2019

Too much for Week 2?

Welcome back to the second installment of our annual marathon Strictly episodes, the last time all 15 couples will be with us for a...varied mix of dance delights. Tess and Claudia have even come in matching bacofail outfits to mark this special occasion, maybe they can use them like the space blankets they give out at the end of the London Marathon? Thankfully, the judges were all on top form tonight, and Motsi has proven to be a wonderful addition to the panel, so bring it on!

Saffron and AJ
She gave us a pretty good tango and surprised lots of people last week, so the pressure was on to bring a fun cha cha. She just about pulled this off: there were good moments during the dance, but the whole thing didn't really come together. I may be being a bit harsh, as it's still very early days, and she was able to do things like recover from a misstep. Plus neon Barbie carwash dress is definitely the way to go for an opening cha-cha!

Anneka and Kevin
After last week's gloriously naff  'jog around with a map' routine, I was very intrigued to see Anneka in some classic ballroom, and that beautiful dress to that somehow doesn't make her look like a bridesmaid. Kevin laid on the schmaltz for this, but it's probably what she needed to get into the character, and I think it worked. It was a simple but classic routine, with the slightly hamming 'running away' moment for effect. Onwards and upwards, Anneka!

Dev and Dianne
After last week's surprisingly capable and entertaining foxtrot, I was here to see Dev do something more energetic. This was cute and peppy but didn't really rock my world, although I did enjoying the knee-swiping interlude, I think he could be better in the loosey-goosey Charleston. A strong effort, but definitely showing the week 2 burn.

Emma and Aljaz
I was more on board for this, thinking the style of dance would suit Emma's poise, but it didn't really take off. As the judges said, there was a lack of attack, which probably didn't help with the random song choice - although I think I've given up on there ever being any good tango songs. Aljaz did at least put together a routine that looked like a tango and had some nice light and shade in it.  

Chris and Karen
This was a sudden shot of energy into the evening, the man can swivel! Clearly not a Charleston for the ages, but Karen managed to draw a much better performance all round out of Chris. Even with the dodgy cartwheel of doom. He really does need to bed down into some ballroom now, but this week has hopefully been a valuable learning experience for him.

Emma and Anton
I can't remember the last time someone looked so uncomfortable throughout a whole dance, I really felt for Emma during this. I've seen people who are MUCH worse dancers than her just letting the pro carry them through with a smile. She clearly has potential for ballroom and I'm sure she'll get another chance at it, it's just clear this wasn't her week.

James and Luba
After last week's tango of doom, it seemed a bit harsh to give James a bouncy-jazz-handy jive, but then again I'm not sure what other latin would be better? Maybe a paso? He did however seem to come out of his shell a wee bit, and Luba sold it for all she was worth dancing around him looking like a vintage Americana delight. However, like last week, he did do all the steps and didn't forget anything, which is something.

Catherine and Johannes
I was really looking forward to this because 1) Mabuse samba and 2) we discovered on ITT this week that these two are an absolute scream. This came together pretty well and Catherine was able to sell it and did some good samba arm work for so early on. I appreciated the Oti tribute moves too, but I have to ask, where was the samba roll?! It's just not a samba without one. Very much undermarked considering this was a good effort both technically and performance-wise.

Michelle and Giovanni
I feel like every incarnation we see of this routine just gets camper and more panto every time. Have we finally peaked with the massive gondola prop and Giovanni presumably knocking someone out in the audience by throwing an oar at them? Despite the daftness, this was still a really good routine and performance from Michelle. I didn't think she'd take to ballroom hold, but she seemed to take it in her stride. I think she's here for the long haul.

David and Nadiya
The cape possibly wasn't a good idea, especially when it makes your partner giggle seconds into what is supposed to be a dramatic dance. Saying that, it was a nice classic paso routine and David seemed a bit more comfortable than last week's baffling number. He clearly isn't the best dancer and I'm not sure Nadiya is the best pro for him, but he's clearly trying and just generally seems like he wants to learn.

Karim and Amy
Foxtrot number 2 of the night, and this was very different experience, what a cracker of a routine! The little flourishes like hoping on the bench weren't overplayed and Amy clearly knew Karim could handle it. It was all very smooth and Karim transitioned to ballroom hold very well. Hurrah for a classy number.  

Mike and Katya
'American Smooth, but with a twist' aka, faffing around quite a lot in a funny outfit. With lifts. I genuinely feared for Katya during a couple of those lifts. This whole thing was so disjointed it's difficult to comment on it, the attempts at actual foxtrot just looked out of place and surreal in those outfits. He'll probably be around for a bit for comedy value, but this one just didn't fly.

Alex and Neil
Alex is clearly in this for the j-word, and after last week's undermarked quickstep (Twitter is still not happy) it was good to see her grab the latin, and Neil, with both hands! Not technically amazing, but she's clearly finding her feet and has a good relationship with Neil to work through her nervousness. Again, didn't exactly set the world alight (we are really feeling with week 2 slump this year) but certainly bodes well for the future.

Kelvin and Oti
After last weeks sensational sexy samba surprise, you would think a waltz might be a bit staid for these two. But no! They brought a lovely routine and made sure a super-cheesy song just actually felt a bit emotional. Kelvin transferred to hold pretty well too. Yes, although Shirley laboured it a bit, it was not the most technically accomplished work, but it captured a mood and saw them working together as a partnership.

Will and Janette
Salsa to appropriate music shocker! However, I think that was my favourite thing about this routine; there was more jumping up and down than actual salsa steps, it just seemed like he was hopping on the spot and waiting for Janette to come at him for a lift. When he was doing some salsa basics he seemed quite good and was doing some hip action. Yes, it's good to finish on a lively number, but this one didn't do it for me.


Sunday 22 September 2019

Week 1 Wonders

So here we are, the nights are drawing in, we've stocked up on Strictly Snacks, and we're ready for the razzmatazz that is the 2019 launch show. As ever, its a marathon opener, so get ready for a lot of scrolling as we take you through all 15 couples' outfits, song choices, relationships...oh yes, and dances!


Alex and Neil
Well this immediately sent me into a 'OMG she's dancing first, she's going to win!' spiral. That and the most darling of ballroom dresses meant that I was sold before this had even began, and then I realised she can actually dance! For a week 1 quickstep this was a cracker, it wasn't perfect, but she could clearly manage some fairly complicated footwork. I thought the judges were a wee bit harsh on her, you don't expect perfect posture in week 1.

I think the scores reflect being first out. Oh I do so wish the judges wouldn't get so carried away. I mean, there were some absolutely excellent performances later on... but also some of a similar level to this that scored better. I'll be interested to see how she handles a latin dance.

Chris and Karen
A week 1 cha cha means all is right with the world. I'm also loving Karen's Grease 2 vibes with that 80s-tastic outfit (unlike Chris's seizure-inducing shirt) and the choice of the perfect cha cha modern pop song. This was a nice solid piece of week 1 latin, and I'm actually relieved Karen didn't turn it into some sort of comedy routine despite him clearly not being the best. They get on like a house on fire, so hopefully they can channel his keenness over the coming weeks!

So, first of all, I keep mishearing the lyrics as 'blame it on the goose'. I'm like, poor goose, what on earth has it done? And you know, for an 'enthusiastic' week one dance from a non-dancer, with patchy timing and questionable coordination, there were genuine displays potential rhythm. I'm not sure which way Chris is going to go. If he can improve in the next few weeks, I can see the possibility of a journey; if he doesn't, then I imagine the uber-comedy route may be the way it goes...

Catherine and Johannes
Another upgraded pro we've been dying to see, you really are spoiling us, Strictly. Not quite sure about Catherine's 1970s maternity dress though. This one didn't really take flight for me, Catherine seemed a bit tentative and it didn't really flow properly. First dance I've found underwhelming, but there's plenty more to go!

It is genuinely difficult to judge a female celeb in ballroom hold in the early episodes... The dance looked beautiful but I can't really tell how she'll handle others. Unfortunately this was a bit meh for me once I saw the later pizzazz. 

Saffron and AJ
Ah yes, the 'yoof' component according to the BBC, those social media graphics are going to get tiring very quickly, eg by week 2. Despite the absolutely terrible song choice and distracting swishy hair, this actually looked like a tango (thank you AJ) and Saffron gave it just the right amount of attack. Her footwork was good too, but her frame needs work, but she's given AJ plenty to work with. 

Pffft, don't get me started on this yet another chirpy tango. Dear lord, tango is as just about the mood as the marchy time signature. We want dark. We want brooding. Saffron was pretty good. I'm not sure how much she's going to get the general public on side; she doesn't have Joe Sugg's peppiness. 

Mike and Kayta
Katya might just win the dresses for this week, loving that purpley tassley spangly concoction. I still don't know what I made of this, it was clearly rough and ready, but had some good jiving moments - maybe Katya worked out that he only had the capacity to do 8 jive kicks in a row? Craig's comparison to an overwound tin toy was very accurate, and it was eyes-and-teeth-a-mundo. I do wonder whether he will take to ballroom...

Meh, it kind of just got lost in the middle for me. 

Emma W and Aljaz
This was a very...polite cha cha. Emma clearly has poise and better posture than most, but she seemed quite hesitant and dependent on Aljaz. Motsi's comments about needing to spice it up were definitely right. I'm also disappointed that they didn't go full Lady Chatterley with Aljaz as the gamekeeper, but I suppose we are before the watershed.

As above. And I just can't see the public warming too much to Emma.

James and Luba
This was the first dance that completely bombed. Not only is James not a natural dancer, but I think he also seemed really nervous. If he can't sell a moody tango then he will struggle with party latin, I was having Mark Foster flashbacks. Fair play to Luba though for putting together a nice routine and being with him all the way, and in a super-nice sparkly gold outfit.

As above. He clearly tried hard and it's way out of his comfort zone. But hey, remember Michael Vaughan? Natalie Lowe finally cracked it with him. 


Kelvin and Oti
He's not Jamie Biscuits! I thought his name was Kevin! Why have they given him a week 1 samba?! Who cares, he can actually move his hips! This was a sudden and unexpected shot of excitement into the show, I've never seen him in Emmerdale but I think I assumed he was just a Yorkshire farmer who they'd make appear on a tractor. Oti, in your tangerine Carmen Miranda get-up, is there no-one you can't pull an awesome samba out of?

Frankie said later 'Is Oti the Samba muse?!' - she does seem to be able to pull them out of the feathered, tasseled bag. And my goodness, that was excellent for a first week dance. Like, really excellent. He moved from his core - what is that about?! - and how?! 

David and Nadiya
That whole routine was a 'huh?' GIF in action, even David looked baffled for the whole thing. The song was so distracting that I barely registered with the dancing, even though it did have some actual foxtrot content. I think I will resist passing any real judgement on his dancing ability until I've seen him do another dance. 

Despised it. Poor David, not his fault, but dear lord the theme. And the song. For a lovely elegant foxtrot. That was a fox not for me. 

Michelle and Giovanni
Fair play to Michelle, there was a fair bit of expectation on this first dance from her and she shrugged it off like she was on a night out. I genuinely wanted this to be more camp, it's not like Giovanni doesn't know how to do camp! Her popstar history will stand her in good stead and she can certainly sell it, but I do wonder how she will take to the technicalities of ballroom, as she didn't seem that comfortable in hold.

I thought this was excellent - timing, musicality and sparkle. She was a little wobbly in parts but I suspect she's going to be all kinds of popular. If she starts to show improvement, I wouldn't be surprised to see her in the final.

Dev and Dianne
Another unknown quantity of a contestant, although I'm really happy to see Dianne back in action and looking as cute as a button in a prom dress. Giving this guy a foxtrot week 1 was quite harsh, he was clearly as much of a fish out of water as James, but he took to the dance a lot better than him. Dianne did a good job of putting together a routine that was foxtrot, not too hard, but also with some twiddly bits to jazz it up. I hope he gets to do something a bit more party next week, because he may have potential.

Yet another week one wonder. Really promising. I agree with Frankie - looking forward to seeing something a bit more upbeat. If he can do as well with that, then he could go a long way.

Anneka and Kevin
Stand aside celebs, the jumpsuit has arrived! This was delightfully rubbish, it had shades of Judy Murray about it. It was visibly a cha cha, and I wonder if Anneka was better in rehearsal and just got distracted by the studio and audience. Maybe Kevin can corral her into ballroom hold next week?

She did manage to keep time, to be fair. I am not sure if her endless self-deprecation is endearing or not, but I absolutely love the comment she made about the joy of dancing. I completely believe her, and I love that.

Will and Janette
This was a right old jumble sale of stuff, I think Janette tried to baffle us by throwing as many things at us as possible. In a very weird dress. There wasn't enough in hold, but I could see why because Will is a MUCH better dancer out of hold than he is in it, otherwise his frame was all over the place. The bits outside of hold did at least show us he has rhythm though and he's got boundless energy to share, it just needs to be channeled. 

What's going on this year? Another celeb who appears to have pretty good timing and musicality. This was all a bit bonkers, but in a really good way.

Karim and Amy
Poor Amy in her neon snot-coloured dress. Well, I say poor Amy, when she's only gone and bagged herself the male ringer of the year and is clearly having the time of her life! I think they may have shown their hand too early with this, a cha cha doesn't need gymnastics. There is room for improvement though: one thing I noticed was that he and Amy didn't really seem to be dancing together, which will obviously be important when ballroom comes along.

Wow, despite all the gimmicks, I really liked this. He's totally trained though so maybe that will go against him (something that seems to go against female celebs more than make imo) I hope Amy doesn't get too brazen with flouting rules - I'd like to see some classic dancing from them too.

Emma and Anton
What a surprise, they've saved Anton and his young talented partner until last! A week 1 jive for Anton was an....interesting choice, they'll blatantly be doing a lovely waltz next week. Shirley was right, it was a bit heavy and there were plenty of kinks to iron out, but she does have potential and her natural musicality is going to carry her far with this partner. However, a little bit underwhelming to end the show on, should have saved Kelvin for that!

This was an odd choice for the best slot of the night. Wasn't good enough and wasn't bad enough. Would have preferred to end on a high energy Kelvin or Karim, but hey, she has potential, but Anton isn't the best partner for developing that...

Sunday 15 September 2019

The Winning Formula - Version 11!

I'm now past a decade of trying to predict the Strictly winner via this scientific formula, and just to stat off with a not-so-humble brag, it managed to identify Stacey as a potential winner last year, plus Joe as a finalist! There must be something in this, I keep telling myself, so let's get down to it for 2019.

11 is also apparently your steel anniversary, so imagine me doing a Blue Steel pout as I work out the potential winners and losers for this series...

1) Get the party started
This is the time of year when I nervously try and remember who danced first on the opening show, because statistically they have a better chance than anyone of getting to the final. Alas, it was Danny, and what's more the stakes were raised by them smooshing everyone back into one opening show rather than giving me the escape-route option of two week one shows. Saying that, we were all expecting Danny to go further than he did, so I still hold that there is mileage in this variable - so whoever is out first on Saturday they need to bring it!

2) Quit your day job
Doing Strictly and something else clearly doesn't mix, I still have images in my head of poor Kellie Bright being shuffled around BBC studios in the back of a people carrier in the middle of the night like some sort of hostage. Last year Stacey was able to take time off from meeting literal hostages and similar, so let's hope others can do so too. Mike also has the random advantage of being a BBC newsreader (the only job winners are able to simultaneously hold down for some reason), I wonder if that extends to football punditry for Alex? I can only assume Honey is being written out of Eastenders for a bit (that girl has major heartache on the horizon), whereas Michelle could easily forget which pile of sparkle she's in if she's doing Drag Race UK at the same time!

3) Blondes don't have more fun
Forget the blondes for a second, all hail our first ginger winner! I never thought I'd see the day *tear*sob*sigh* Alas, no ginger contestants this year, but we do have Neil being upgraded, hurrah! The curse of blondes never winning Strictly continues apace though, with Stacey pipping Clare and Ashley last year, and there are only two blonde contestants this year. Anneka and Saffron may be out, and what's more, poor limping Jamie Biscuits got replaced with dark-haired Kevin. Maybe Catherine deliberately replaced Eva Price's trademark blonde locks to stand more of a chance...?

4) Latin fever
Kevin finally won last year, and whilst he clearly has ballroom kudos, his Burn the Floor history suggests Latin is more of his bag specialism-wise. Joanne remains our exception to the rule and she's still busy being a full-on musical theatre dah-ling, so I don't think she'll be back soon. I'm really enjoying that we've had three pros upgraded to the main show this year, can't wait to see them flex their choreography muscles. Although these guys all specialise in Latin, so once again Anton is flying the flag for those ballroom pros. Will he be able to pull it together for Emma B and at least make the final again?

5) Age is more than a number
After the revolutionary smashing of the 40 barrier with Joe McFadden winning Strictly at the ripe old age of 42, we got back to business as usual with Stacey winning at 31 last year, British public you are so fickle. Like last year we have 9 out of 15 under 40 in the cast, and I don't want to hear all series about how Saffron is a toddler for being 19 - Louisa Lytton was 17, have a sense of history! Anneka, David, James, Michelle and Mike have their work cut out, but Emma B is at that magic age, 42, so maybe it's a sign...

6) Embrace the sparkle!
We know that Strictly is all about the j-word, and a key part of that is letting it take over your life until you're a rich shade of mahogany and your feet are fleckerl-ing as you sleep. The British public loves to see someone throw themselves in and emerge spanglified and insisting they will keep dancing every week for the rest of their lives. We've got your classic reluctant dads in James and David this year, but also your over-excited candidates like Will and Dev, plus Strictly superfans like Emma B and Anneka. It's always fabulous to watch someone have a sequin-heavy life-changing experience, and even better when it's a surprise. 

So here is that all-important equation once again, and our predicted finalists for 2019...

Dance first - day job + brunette x latin pro - 40 years old + sparkle = winner!

Alex
Catherine
Chris
Emma W
Karim

As ever, the first dancer on the opening show will be added to the list - in the meantime, let us know what you think and vote in our poll! Roll on Saturday night!

Sunday 8 September 2019

Who's who? No, really.


So here we are welcoming the Class of 2019 and the most striking comment I can make from the start is ... who the fleckerl are they? I am so pop-culturally inept that I am used to not knowing a considerable number of contestants. I don't watch much sport; I don't watch soaps. I was muchos smug about having heard of last year's Youtuber, despite being in my mid-30s, but no such luck this year. Other than Jamie Biscuits (who is moot now) and Challenge Anneka, I'm pretty much stumped. Having said that, we all have to admit that it doesn't really matter. We get to know them as they go along, following their... you know the word... and it's always a joy when someone you'd barely heard of to the point of questioning their very right to be on the show, wins your heart and lifts the glitterball (Abbey She's-Only-On-It-Because-Of-Her-Marriage Clancey.) With new judge Motsi making the judging panel the most ballroom/latin-esque it's ever been, and the Glitterball gaining an extra plinth (cue Miranda Hart style nod to camera), I'm open to it being a really great series. Bring it on...

Catherine from Corrie and the Guy Who Prompted a Controversial Conversation about Blackpool

Clover Awareness Rating 0 - I don't watch Corrie

She looked darling in a sugarplum fairy dress, and looked like she could be sort of solid in the group dance. It'll be interesting to see what Johannes can do now he's been promoted to the main cast. Catherine doesn't have the vibe of triple-threat stage school brat, so she potentially could be a middly-starter with a journey ahead (yes, I said it). If their partnership has laughter and chemistry they could be ones to watch.

Saffron Youtuber and AJ

Clover Awareness Rating - 0 

Now I think of it, this was an obvious pairing and one that is heading to be Tabloid-Fodder. With his now Reality-TV-Famous-Brother, cutie-pie-faced AJ and an influencer make perfect sense for the yoof vote and social media coverage. She looked a little nervous and wooden in the group routine, but why wouldn't she be? Like Joe last year, she's as close to a 'normal person' doing Strictly as you can get. And I still defend the right of Youtubers and Reality TV stars taking part in the show. It would have jarred 12 years ago, but they're legit celebs in today's culture and I'm happy for them to be represented... even if I have no idea who they are.

Alex Scott and Neil Jones

Clover Awareness Rating - 0 - I hardly know any footballers, female or otherwise

This is the first partnership I'm excited about. Alex is a prime candidate for a real Strictly story, coming from a sports background but having the supreme good luck of also having the ability to look amazingly glam in sequins. Neil is potentially a new series darling, having been in the show's background for a few years and in the spotlight for all the wrong (but heart-wrenching, to use a Tabloidy phrase) reasons. Rumours prevail about Neil's choreography ability. If they're true, here could be dynamite. Here's hoping.

Michelle and Giovanni

Clover Awareness Rating - 0 - Nope, sorry.

No, sorry, despite all the excitement on our Twitter feed, I have not heard of her. She did seem to have rhythm in the group dance so I'm thinking she could be one of this series' dark horses. I think Giovanni has the sense to let her be good, instead of a joke. I'm glad she didn't get Anton. 

Emma Eastenders and Anton

Clover Awareness Rating - 3 - I recognise her face, if not her name

This was a bit of a surprise actually. Like many, I just assumed Anton would get Challenge Anneka. I got an inkling that Emma might be hiding a bit of disappointment but I could have picked up on that completely wrong. These two scream to be middle-grounders again, with a touch of Anton-humour thrown in. If she can't dance, all the better. If she can, it's a shame.

A Viscountess Called Emma and Aljaz

Clover Awareness Rating - 0

There's something about the current political climate that makes me distinctly take agin anyone with a title. I'll try not to, as she seems lovely, and was actually one of celebrities that stood out in the group number. Aljaz is always a joy so they could be a pair to watch if she can win over the public. 

Challenge Anneka and Kevin from Grimsby

Clover Awareness Rating - 10 - I have had to give her a ten because she's the only one still in it I had actually heard of, which basically shows how old I am.

Yes, yes, I remember her darting about on TV in the late 80s and early 90s. Do I think she'll be good? No. Do I think she'll give it a good shot? Yes, but I don't think it'll help. In a way, she'd have had a better chance of going further with Anton. My prediction for a very early exit.

David James and Nadiya Who

Clover Awareness Rating - 2 - I did not recognise the name but his face looks vaguely familiar

Goalies don't have the best track record on Strictly. He's paired with a pro who's apparently been on for a few years yet still seems weirdly unfamiliar. He might win a few sports fan votes in the early episodes but again, I can't see these two going very far.

James and Luba

Clover Awareness Rating - 3 - Name very familiar but couldn't have picked him out of  crowd

Back when Great Britain didn't even win any medals, the rowers won medals. Cue many jokes about him not being able to sit down whilst dancing. I bet they give him a chair as a prop. Or a boat. Or at least an oar. Luba is a bit of an unknown so it's tricky to know how this will go. I'm not hopeful after seeing the group dance. 

Karim and Amy

Clover Awareness Rating - 0

No idea who he is but he really shone in that group number. He's trained in ballet so the ringuh bells a ringin' already - but everyone knows a boy ringer gets off lightly (Tom Chambers, Jay McGuinness, Joe McFadden.) Amy burst out with some cracking routines last year - including, in my humble opinion, the best jive of the series, so these two are definitely on my list of ones to watch...

Chris Hebburn and Karen

Clover Awareness Rating - 4 - I had no idea what his name was but I definitely recognise him from a sitcom

I wholly approve of his accent.

Jamie Biscuits and Queen Oti

Clover Awareness Rating - 10 - I got quite into Made in Chelsea for a couple of seasons

Arrrrgh, I actually would have loved this pairing. What a disappointment. He has been replaced by the young boy who was adopted by Jack Sugden ( I used to watch soaps...) On the whole, I'm just glad Oti is still taking part. That would have been quite the loss.

Mike Bushell and Katya

Clover Awareness Rating - 0

He's got a cracking partner but he really does look as though he's going to need it. Katya managed to get some good routines out of the clearly rhythm-blind Seann Walsh so perhaps all is not lost. But some definitely is.

Dev and Dianne

Clover Awareness Rating - 0

Dianne's popularity will have soared in the last 12 months. Dev also stood out in the group routine but DJs just don't have the best track (haha, sorry) record on the show. I really hope he can turn the table (haha, sorry) on that. 

Will and Janette

Clover Awareness Rating - 0

I'm running out of things to say at this point as, yet again, I'm not quite sure who he is but I am looking forward to seeing what he can do. Janette can be very 'hit and miss' (no, that wasn't a table tennis joke...) with her choreography. Who's betting they dance to the ping-pongy Enrique song?