The Blackpool Hangover

Danger: we're now about to hit the episode-after-Blackpool-curse, it's always the way. Tess looks like a bridesmaid from an LA Grecian-themed wedding and the tabloids are looking at if Bruce will drop dead any second.

Disclaimer. I have toothache and my comments are thus likely influenced by my drug addled state.

Susanna and Kevin

I'm sure Holly Valance wore that dress about three years ago, but I forgot about that the second she went into Karen Hardy Face Overdrive. Susanna was saying all week she wasn't getting on with the cha cha and I have to say I agree with her. It just didn't work, Kevin did a good routine and like Len said, it was acceptable, but I did have the odd cringe and could have seen more hip action. Everyone has a bad week, this is the first time she's actually had one!

There's always a dance that doesn't suit a contestant. To be fair, it's not usually the cha cha cha, but you can't really knock Susanna for having one bad week. You can knock her for having a face like Carol-does-rumba, which was a little more Debbie-does-Dallas than one cares to remember. I would suggest she tone it down next week but perhaps knowing her technique wasn't quite on the money this time, she merely took Frankie's advice of 'EYES AND TEETH! EYES AND TEETH!' And that can be forgiven. 

Ashley and Ola

Gosh, there's a lot of facework going on this week, Ashley looking like a cocker spaniel who's just been shouted at. Lovely routine, cheese-tastic song, wafty dress - this is what you expect from a SCD waltz. I think he's quietly getting better, bit more polished, less frantic. Speaking of dresses, did they not have time to finish Ola's? Maybe they were messing around in a shark tank for too long...

What was going on with the music? You could barely hear the beat. Waltz goes ONE two three ONE to three and the beautiful rise and fall comes from dancing to the music. If the music does not rise and fall, then how can the contestant be expected to? This show is treating the music like frippery. Like meaningless decoration. Like it doesn't really matter, like costumes, and props. Oh my. My point is, Ashley did a fine job. Considering. Note to those in control: dancing is not random movement where music happens to be in the background; dancing is moving TO the music. To deny suitable music is to do the celebrities and their partners a disservice. 

Natalie and Artem

More bloody Rhianna, does the BBC keep using her dross to pretend they're down with the kids? This was a technically great tango as expected, but for the millionth time soulless synths mean there's no tension in the atmosphere at all. I'm sick of writing this four or five times a series.

Contrary to what you might think, I'm not a complete purist. I don't expect every single couple to dance to La Cumparsita. That would be as dull as a bowl of dishwater being forced to watch paint dry. When the Strictly band arranged Nelly Furtado's Maneater for a tango, I thought it was marvellous. It just worked. The mood, tempo, marchiness. This track, however, having no mood and very little marchiness ruined what could have been an epic dance for Natalie. There are some dances, such as cha cha, where a pop song often just works. But some other dances, and tango is one, where there needs to be a certain mood. The track needs to be dark, staccato and brooding. And this was about as staccato as a marshmellow. 

Mark and Iveta

Iveta looks like a fabulous doll, but she wouldn't have it any other way. Mark finally gets some more ballroom, but then they gave him the worst of the trots. I also found it hilarious the BBC must have spent so much money on that massive bed prop for it to be used for all of three seconds. It was alright, not as good as his waltz though, could Marks days be numbered?

Mark has musicality. He's not dancing to numbers; he's listening to the music. This is why, despite major Twitter uproar, I actually agree with the judges' decision to keep him over Ben. He has another week in him. Then it's anyone's game. 

Sophie and Brendan

Nothing like a Victorian-inspired nightie to get you in the mood for a rumba. Thankfully they actually had a decent music choice, which is something to appreciate on a night like this. I liked the pretty, fragile nature of it and the ballet lines. Also liked Sophie's random range of facial expressions from serenity to frantic grinning to shy to nervous laugh all in the space of 30 seconds!

Not sure about the frock. It looked as though someone tied her up like a favour at a goth wedding. I agree that the judges should have found fault - it wasn't perfect - but they narked at the wrong thing. Her body movement wasn't rumbary enough, and she was a tad of-the-wobble. But to say it's not raunchy enough? Well. Why judges do you comment on the mood of a rumba, yet be perfectly fine with an un-tangoey tango? Still hoping she can do another great dance. But what's left for her to perfect?

Ben and Kristina

This could have gone either way, we were expecting either a million lifts or a great routine. It ended up somewhere in the middle, there were a lot more steps in it than I was expecting, the only problem was that it showed up that he wasn't very good at them. Cute song choice though.

He did dance. But he looked oh so uncomfortable whilst doing so. It was the right decision for him to go but I'm sure we will all miss his arms him.

Abbey and Aljaz

Abbey putting in a great performance and working really hard, despite everyone being a bit knackered and grumpy this week. It says a lot that this wasn't the worst song choice and she also somehow managed to bag the nicest dress once again - only issue was the ponytail of doom smacking her in the face!. Aljaz might not be the liveliest jazz-handy of pros but he certainly knows how to put a great routine together. 

For my thoughts about Abbey's paso, please see my rant above about Natalie's tango. That. 

Patrick and Anya

This was a VW so there was a danger of them falling into the chasm of dullness yet again, and I think they were teetering on the edge of it. Hardly any waltz steps and the clumsy, clumsy ending just made this a odd dance. It seemed slightly inspired by the paaain and emoootion of contemporary dance, which has no place anywhere, let alone a VW.

I liked this. Though I do wish they wouldn't keep using the womenfolk to sweep the floor.

It's Raining 10s!

Oh we do like to be beside the seaside, we're back in Blackpool the home of ballroom!

And to kick it off we're having the biggest of opening numbers ever, it's a low-budget scene from a Baz Luhrmann film and a I love it. Kids! Old people! Abbey in a giant pansy for no apparent reason and pretending to be happy about it! Tess seems to have gone for showgirl with her super-slashed dress, but I could have done with a bit more sparkle rather than an Angelina Jolie leg attempt.

Sophie and Brendan
Could they not be bothered with Sophie's dress? It's a nice colour, but it's hardly got any detail on it for a SCD dress. But of course the random pink eyeliner is back. And why are there random people in the background?! Sorry, I haven't talked about the dancing yet, but probably because they're really distracting! It was a great quickstep though, very well executed. Not knock-your-socks-off but a great start to the show.
I told you she was going to do a good quickstep, didn't I? Now how was I supposed to know she'd have the sequinned socks knocked off her by Abbey less than half an hour later? This was perky. But the standout thing about it was Brendan's choreography. Just lovely. I don't think we are going to see better than Sophie's charleston though. Curses she danced it so early.

Patrick and Anya
Anya wins the dresses, all the dresses. That is a proper SCD samba frock, my dreams of feathers have been answered. Actually, I typed that before her shoe got stuck, damn you feathers! Great recovery though, points to you Anya and to Patrick for not freaking out! This was a cracking samba, a fast and varied routine and Patrick has definitely broken through the dullness barrier. Easily the best samba of the series.
Is Anya the new Lilia? Marvellous frock, just marvellous. I agree with Frankie. Muchos kudos for not freaking out by heel catching in dress moment. How did the judges not comment on that? I absolutely loved this samba. Go Patrick. Woo. 

Ben and Kristina
I am here to watch Ben and Kristina dance, not Kristina and some random people that look like ballroom dancing ninjas. The ways to not have Ben do a lot of dancing are getting even more elaborate, which is a shame since he's getting better and can do ballroom! This routine made me grumpy, too fractured for me and yes, I know he can do lifts. Like Bruno said, he was good at the VW bit, but I could have done with more than 10 seconds of it.
Ben is just great. At standing there while Kristina dances. 

Ashley and Ola
A cowboy paso, just what this world has been crying out for. So flamenco, so Blackpool. This actually was pretty good, I'd even say it was Ashely's most technically accomplished dance, and was pure paso behind the fancy dress. The fancy dress was putting me off though, Ola gives great paso, there's no need for gimmicks! Or line dancing accomplices!
Since when does a Paso need any other theme than Paso theme? This dance comes with its own theme. Leave it be.

Fiona and Anton
The Tower Ballroom is about the size of Blackpool Airport actually... Yet more annoying people in the background, sod off and stop distracting me! Excuse the pun, but this never really got off the ground for me. Great frock, proper routine, Anton in a funny hat and all that, but lacking in pizzazz. Starting to think Fiona has lost her mojo...
Meh.

Abbey and Aljaz
Absolute corker of a quickstep! This routine was brilliant, lovely outfits and such class by ignoring that they had to dance around a giant bucket. Fast footwork, great Charleston sequence and Abbey's face was a treat. I also love how she just can't resist singing along to the song at times, and I can't believe that song hasn't been used for a quickstep before, get in Aljaz! Craig gave Abbey a 7 but Ben an 8, yeah whatevs! Quite happy to see her get the 10s after that!
I never in a besquillion years imagined I'd be voting for Abbey Clancy for anything. Yet here we are, and I am seriously rooting for her to make the final. This was nippy. And it's not just because I was excited by a giant bucket and spade. But did you see? Enormous. And her feet were quick. And the song was happy. 

Mark and Iveta
Slightly disappointed Mark isn't in his Hairspray drag, but they both look delightful anyway. The odds were stacked against him this week, third latin in a row and with dodgy knees, but they pulled out all the stops and Iveta can choreograph anything. Captured the spirit of Hairspray and had loads of content, really want him to get through to next week to see if they can finally give him some ballroom. And it's his birthday, c'mon people!
I'm getting a little bored of it now. 

Susanna and Kevin
Ladies and gentlemen, witness the most paso-y-est paso that was ever paso-ed! This was insanely good fun, from the outfits to the circus music to the flamenco to the faces. You can tell Susanna really did spend the week watching Strictly Ballroom when she posted that DVD on Twitter. Kevin also has almost as much makeup on as Susanna, and that outfit is hilarious. Susanna isn't scared of anything, bring it on.  
SHOW ME YOUR PASO DOBLE! And boy, she did. Loved this. The reaction shows just what happens when you get a more traditional variation on a dance danced well. Through the roof. Now let's see a real salsa too. 

Natalie and Artem
They were always going to get the pimp slot! Where has Natalie's hair gone?! Really, where has it physically gone, I know it's a wig, but there's so much hair you can't just tuck it under. Wasn't quite sure what to make of this, there were flashes of genius and it was perfectly executed but it didn't wow me as much as I was expecting. Maybe it was the stop-start nature of the song? Saying that, Natalie's face was amazeballs, Artem was super-hot and I liked how they looked like a proper couple dancing.
If Enid Blyton were still alive, I'm pretty sure she'd be writing The Mystery of Natalie's Missing Hair. Right now. This was clearly good. But the song didn't connect with the dance for me. The band's arrangement of it, I didn't like. I love watching Natalie and Artem dance however, whatever they dance. What's next week...?

Waltz Goin' On?

We're past Halloween, rejoice! In fact we're halfway through the series, that walkdown on the stairs is starting to take less and less time. Speaking of which, we're GUTTED there's no Natalie and Artem this week. That jive routine looked amazing and I was dying to see the whirling dervish step. Best wishes to her, she'll need all her steel for Blackpool!

Ben and Kristina

Shall we learn to do the jive or shall we mess around learning to do a backflip? Actually, I won't be to cross because there was a lot more jive content in there than I was expecting. And a fairly decent execution too, I can't imagine he would have done any bouncy latin number that well a few weeks ago. Never going to be his best, but it looked like they'd worked at it. Ridiculously over-marked as ever. And hilarious costumes - is he going to be a different member of the Village People every week now?

Sailor boy, it was OK. Now we all know the rugby boys can't jive. (AHEM, has everyone forgotten Austin springy-feet Healey?) I'm still waiting for Ben's breakthrough dance. So his dancing can match the overblown scores he's being given. That sounds bitter, yet I do still like the partnership. And Kristina's costume was adorable. And Ben looked good in his sailor suit. And please god no, not the Native American Chief. 

Fiona and Anton

Thank heavens that scarecrow debacle is over, although they've gone back to 1980s shredded wheat hair for her. And I'm not happy that the nation was not warned about that Anton knee-slide right into our living rooms! Song 2 will forever be Jodie and Ian's paso! Classic paso choreography, fine, but it never really got off the ground and seemed a bit dull. Fiona looked a bit awkward, Anton was...Anton.

Fiona wasn't too bad. Anton made me want to grate my own eyeballs and serve them on salad. 

Abbey and Aljaz

Fine, put her in a Liza wig, but spend more than a fiver on it wardrobe department! And what's with the sugar pink? Totally incongruous to the image! Pah! Training footage of this looked amazing, so hopes were high. I can't say it was knock-your-sparkly-socks-off as good as Sophie's, but it was pretty good! Liked how it was a bit cool, not a manic gurning number, a bit more West End. There was swivel and the monkey step with their ridiculously long legs was a delight!

This was not as natural as Sophie's nonchalant dolly-charleston but it was more than decent. A bit Fosse, a bit West End, and as Frankie says, a little more toned down than we have come to expect from the all-face-no-dance routines we have seen since the Beeb insisted on throwing in this odd little dance. I suspect (nay, hope) this was more than enough to keep her safe. Abbey looked as though she were trying really hard not to sing along in this. Like Regina George does Jingle Bell Rock (before Gretchen Wieners messed that up.)  I'll even concede that the use of a hat in a charleston is a tolerable-use-of-prop. 

Mark and Iveta

I love these two, they're such a brilliant team. The skilled clown and the not-so-evil genius! Thought a rumba was always going to be a sticky one for him, the men usually just pose. But good to see great arms and lines from him. And it was a masterclass in deadpan! Iveta spangling around in that catsuit, Mark giving us the evil eye, all while being a bit bonkers. These guys have to stay in and get to do more ballroom!

In an evening of toned-down, propless dances, this smacked of incongruity. Iveta is completely and utterly bonkers. This has worked in previous weeks but it didn't sit well this week. 

Susanna and Kevin

Princess dress alert, in fact, that whole thing was a fairytale! What a gorgeous waltz, wonderful choreography and sweeping music. That pivots sequence was amazing, I don't think I've ever shrieked over some pivots! Goes to show you don't need props and gimmicks to bring down the house.

Just ooh. Criminally under-marked (or, if we are going to be picky, everything else criminally over-marked), this was beeeaa-uuu-tiii-ful (imagine that word in a Dick-Van-Dyke-does-Bert-in-Mary-Poppins voice). This is exactly what the show should be about. No gimmicks, no props, no stupid costume. Just choreography and well executed dancing. These two have shimmied their way back up to being one of my favourite pairs again. Keep at it, Kevin. 

Dave and Karen

Umm...yeah, Scotland, woo! Quite liking Karen's Vivienne Westwood style dress though. This was one of the oddest collection of things I've seen, the concept was barmy but you got the impression Karen had tried to choreograph an actual tango. It was better than his recent latins, but that isn't saying much. Will it get the Scottish vote? Is that their only hope? I know it doesn't matter as he's at the bottom, but sixes was ridiculous!

You know they're desperate if they're trying to tap into the Scottish vote when neither of the pair is Scottish. If Dave manages to survive another week, what are we to expect? Dancing a Charleston dressed as a leek? Or a Argentine Tango in the style of Riverdance? The content wasn't as bad as you'd at first think, but in this case, the gimmick made it look worse. Had he a regular dance get up and La Cumparsita, his scores would have been higher. Methinks. 

Ashley and Ola

Ola, it's taken you seven weeks to realise you needed to go to the Hollyoaks set for extra training? Or did the BBC not let you until now? Ashley is dressed as the now departed Michael Moon from Eastenders. This was a crazy fast quickstep and, like a lot of his faster numbers, a bit manic. The energy stayed throughout and it was a good routine. Still needs a bit more polish, but the boy done good!

Nice but a tad flolloppy. I reckon if Ashley could put a little teensy bit more time into training, he could be a contender. Waiting for his breakthrough dance. It will come, I am sure.

Sophie and Brendan

Brendan has been ridiculously excited about this AT this week, it's been quite amusing. LOVED what they did with the music, just perfect for the number. These routines are really quite complicated and I felt like I could sense that a bit from Sophie, remembering all those jigsaw legs. She did seem a little bit tentative, but definitely a return to form after struggling the last few weeks.

Great track and good dance. But it wasn't the glorious comeback I would have liked. Did Sophie peak at Charleston? Quite possibly. But I maintain, her quickstep will be the one to watch. 

Patrick and Anya

Wow, Patrick gets the pimp slot! This had better be good...oh of course it was! This as exactly the kind of routine they had in mind when they thought up the American Smooth. Busting at the seams with Hollywood, classic song and show-stopping fling-them-over-your-shoulder lifts. And well done to both of them for upping their game in the last couple of weeks, there was no falling asleep in that one. We won't talk about the lift-flub. Although, Darcey, you can't give a 10 to something when it had a mistake and you pointed it out!

If this deserved a ten, then Susanna deserved two. However, that aside. Craig is right - he is  the best of the male celebrities and personally, I would love to see him go from strength to strength. I forget he's there every week yet he has given us some marvellous routines. He looked so happy dancing the American Smooth and I hope that ten has given him the confidence to come out every week with that pizzazz. I love an underdog. I would love Patrick to keep going like this and make the final. 

Fright Night IV

Viewers beware, we are entering the fourth year of Strictly's Halloween theme nights...or as we like to call it The Worst of the Themes. As ever, I'm trying to go into this with an open mind (can't speak for Clover), although last year's Halloween episode opened with Dani and Vincent dancing to the Scooby Doo theme so hopes aren't high!

Tess is letting the side down by wearing a non-scary dress for once. Rip-roaring Time Warp number from the pros in the best spirit of Rocky Horror, if we could just leave it at that for Halloween I'd be happy!

Patrick and Anya
Poor Anya, everyone has amazingly detailed outfits and she's got an orange nylon sheet. Good choice of song and a rather snazzy routine, but epic gapping. I do worry that they've put them on first after him being in the bottom two, probably one of his best routines but there's a good chance he'll get forgotten during all the randomness we're undoubtedly in for tonight!

Fiona and Anton
The first example of a good routine being RUINED by Halloween. Cute song, Anton is surprisingly good at the Charleston and Fiona seemed to have picked it up pretty well. If there'd been fringing and 1920s touches then it could have been jolly good fun, but this was just...odd. And not even an entertaining odd.

Ben and Kristina
Well this was good, largely because this was the kind of paso that could have been done any week and all that was Halloween-y was the size of Kristina's hair. There was more choreography in that than in the last two weeks combined. Good cape-work actually too. They're obviously desperate to keep him in, but as long as he's doing actual dancing then it's ok for now...

Sophie and Brendan
Attack of the killer peplum! This was weirdy-weirdy-weird. I could see what was going on with the routine, but it just didn't work. Sophie was hopping around and then occasionally grabbing Brendan's shirt before they fell into a bit of panto at the end! I don't think it helped that the song was deathly dull with no crescendo or anything.

Natalie and Artem
This was a beautiful song choice, just right for the occasion and let them do a theme that wasn't too ridiculous. Artem always does an off-choice choreography routine, but at least there was dancing rather than sitting on a sofa or whatever. It was wafty, it was lovely, I wouldn't have given it 10s but the best of the night by far.

Mark and Iveta
Well this was always going to be the most random thing ever to grace our screens...But it was actually a paso! A paso between a boyband Ghostbuster and a Mars Attacks disco alien, but there you go. Only Iveta would listen to Starship Trooper and think, oooh yes, paso time, but she's fabulous and her methods cannot be questioned.

Rachel and Pasha
Thank goodness she's back to ballroom! Great song choice and styling for the number, even if it was just a made-up dance style. It started really well, but seemed to lose a bit of steam throughout. Plus I don't think you should be beaming like the happiest person in the world for your Halloween dance, Rachel! Definite improvement, should see her through.

Ashley and Ola
It is testament to how good this was that I got over the terrible, terrible song choice. And not just because it wasn't Things That Go Bump in the Night. It was an actual tango, there was staccato, there were pivots and drama. Well done Ola for yet another great routine, and rocking the Zombie Marie Antoinette look too! 

Abbey and Aljaz
There was a lot of expectation on this one, genius song choice and all that. And they just about pulled it off, I could have done with a bit more hip action but the routine as a whole was pretty good and non-tacky Halloween. And is there anything in this world Abbey can't make look good?

Dave and Karen
Someone on Twitter said Dave looked like moldy panda and I couldn't stop giggling about it. It was better than last week, it was in time for at least 70% of the routine and he did seem to remember what he was doing - but I shouldn't have to say this about someone in week six! It was funnier watching Chris Parker chase Hanna round in a circle...

Susanna and Kevin
So yeah, Susanna looks normal and Kevin looks like he's escaped from an RSPCA ad about mistreated animals. Another Charleston ruined by pointless Halloween theming, what was that song all about? She could have done a rip-roaring Charleston any other week, you could see she was really good at it!