Sunday, 24 August 2008

Who Gets The Token Old Guy? Uh, Everyone...

So, yesterday, The Sun leaked what it claims to be the full line up for Strictly this year. It's hard to say whether this is going to be accurate or not. Last year I remember a list being 'leaked', poo-pooing it and then it turned out to be spot on (though if I remember correctly the Neil Warnock rumours persisted well into September...) It could be genuine; it could be full of red herrings. I think it's safe to suggest however, that with it coming from The Sun, it's probably best to take at least part of it with a pinch of salt...oh screw that, it's probably worth evaporating The Dead Sea and taking it with what's left of that...but here goes my opinion on the people that have been suggested...who knows, it could be true...

Having looked carefully at the teaser trailer on the BBC website, I'm pretty certain that's Gary Rhodes' chin in the shot with Karen Hardy. I brought up some pics from Google Images, compared the size and shape of jaw and smile (do not judge me for this - I know at least two other people who have done the same thing...) I do not know if this is good or bad. He seems like a nice guy and surely Karen has to have a better year than last. Though he wasn't a stand out poor dancer a la Kate Garraway, that sombre waltz was poor judgement on Karen's part - and we LOVE Karen. We want her in until at least the middle of the series. No, even better, bring Ramps back! FORCE them to do THAT Argentine Tango...don't bother with the other la la...

Again, looking at the teaser trailer, it looks as though whoever is Lilia's partner has fairly dark skin. This has been ascertained from pausing at a crucial moment in the clip and examining the hands that are around her waist (again, I am not the only person I know who has done this...this makes it OK, doesn't it??) According to The Sun's list, this could only mean that Lilia's partner this year is Don Warrington. Who? Yeah, sorry, I had to look him up. He used to be in 'Rising Damp' apparently and has recently appeared (or is due to appear) in 'Dr. Who.' He's getting on a bit so could be bad news for Lilia. This is bad news for us too because we want to keep Lilia in the competition for as long as possible because. she. has. the. best. costumes. Apart from samba, series 4. We don't talk about that. Well, we do actually, and we mock the headgear.

Now was that Erin with Austin Healey? I don't know why I'm asking, I had to look him up too. Apparently plays rugby. Anyone who knows me but at all knows that my sporting knowledge is shocking. My entire rugby knowledge is summed up by these words: Matt Dawson played it. Anyway...for some reason, I've got a feeling that he'll end up with Erin. I'm not a big fan of hers; she seems to take it all far too seriously. And, I'm sorry, I know she's been in it from the beginning and hasn't won (oh the shame...get over it...) but she blew her chances...she had in her CLUTCHES probably the most talented male celeb the show's ever had...and she made him dance with a puppet. She had a dud last year...but please don't give her one of the only males who might have a chance of going far...

The Sun also mentioned Mark Foster - a tad confusing as he's been in Beijing for The Olympics. Has he been alternating his butterfly and ballroom training? I doubt it. If it is true, he's about the right height for Camilla. Maybe she'll even make the final for once. Tom Chambers (Holby actor, not Basketball player) has also been rumoured. Holby and Casualty stars always seem like the BBC is scraping the barrel...and it's STRICTLY...the barrel is full of decent stars who'd love to take please, please, please don't sign up half bit actors I've never even heard of or care about.

Am I cynical in thinking that the only reason the BBC signs up GMTV stars is to get free advertising on ITV? We've had Fiona Phillips = disaster; Kate Garraway = disaster; now, Andrew Castle...why break tradition? = disaster. For some reason I just can't see him being very good - I can't say why and I could be completely wrong. And how have I got so far down this entry without mentioning an ex-Eastender? And here's the first...Phil Daniels...used to play Kevin Wicks. On the whole, ex-Easties are well-liked so it's likely he'd last a few weeks purely on the back of that. I don't know much about him otherwise. He's not very tall so may well be paired with Wee Flavia.

Hmm, let me consult my list...who of the male species is left to discuss? John Sergeant. Out first. End of.

As you may have noticed...this year's list of male celebs is somewhat, um, aging. They're nearly all the token old guy. There's token YOUNG guys. Surely there's some little hotties wanting to appear on the show? I thought dancing was cool again?! No?

The list of female celebs is a little more varied, thank goodness. At least, age-wise. The first that's popped into my head is Rachel Stevens who I hope, hope, hope is paired with Wee Vincent. Which WOULD make sense as she is wee also. And the only other wee male is Darren and he always seems to luck out partnerwise (we won't talk about Gloria I-already- know-how-to-ballroom-dance-OH-DO-YOU?-then-why-do-you-suck? Hunniford). But then there's the dilemma of another wee lady - Jessie Wallace - and Darren can't have ANOTHER Eastender, can he?

If we're going on heights then Jodie Kidd will be with Ian. Who is definitely not wee. It may seem unfair that he gets a good partner again this year (Zoe Ball was amazing, Penny's ballroom was exquisite and she went SHOCKINGLY early and Micha, well, she was just a victim of the curse of the rumba.) Perhaps Jodie will make up for Penny's horrid exit last year - but in a way I do blame Ian for that...there was no need for her salsa to be that fast and he should have realised that as a taller lady, who had struggled immensely in the jive, she should have been allowed to stick to something a bit less manic. Alas, the pros are fallible.

Lisa Snowdon has been rumoured to be dancing with Brendan. I don't know what she's famous for other than dating George Clooney. Her Wikipedia entry describes her as 'English supermodel, singer, actress and television personality' - what do you reckon she edited the entry herself?! Token older ladies this year include Gillian Taylforth (aka 'Caff') and Cherie Lunghi. At a guess I'd pair Gillian with Matthew Cutler and Cherie Lunghi with Brian Fortuna (new pro from 'Dancing with the Stars' USA), but there's no real reasoning behind this's just a hunch.

Another fairly probable rumour is Heather Small, who is fairly small, contrary to popular belief. I think it must just have been her hair that was big. It's possible she could be paired with Darren, though she may dwarf him if she wears 3" heels. Or maybe Anton. And last but not least, Christine Bleakley from 'The One Show' who I hope, if she is on the show, is a better sport than the last 'One Show' contestant -nightmare munchkin Dominic Littlewood.

So there's the speculative line up in full. Along with redundant, friviolous comments from me. I reiterate that they're from The Sun, so it all could be a big pile of nonsense. But I suspect there's at least a deal of truth to it...although I do have a salt cellar at hand just in case.

BBC to publish official line-up on Thursday! Can't wait!

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