Strictly 2010 AB: After Blackpool

Kara and Artem

Will Artem's head fall off or not? The nation waits with breath that is baited. I'm sure that's the dress she's wearing in the promo stuff, but in silver instead of green. I preferred the green, made her look like a Christmas pixie. Not quite sure about this one; all the steps were there and there didn't seem to be anything wrong per se, but there wasn't that zing. Seemed a bit slow, but that might be so Artem keeps all his limbs. Overmarked, would have given 8s.

Why are we talking about Artem losing his head? Is it because he is Russian? Frankie, you're a few years behind. Stalin died years ago. And anyway, I think he preferred death by firing squad. This dance made such an impression on me that now it's Tuesday - I am finally back online - I can't even bloody remember what dance they did. Was it a jive?

Ann and Anton

Ann appears to actually be dressed as a Victorian Hillary Clinton, Kate Winslet she ain't. I am however enjoying the band's rendition of My Heart Will Go On, it's rather good so maybe I should just close my eyes. This was actually crappety crap due to the total lack of content and to be frank, effort on Ann's part, they have given up and maybe it's time for everyone else to.

Oh poo to you all you moaning minnies. This was hilarious. Everyone's so grumpy at the moment - myself included - that a good laugh is oh-so-needed. Thought Anne's costume was a bit more tasteful than the yolk-of-very-genetically-modified-egg she wore in Blackpool. Anton shouting 'Iccceeeebeeerrrg' really, I'm quite sure, is set to be my absolute highlight of 2010.


Patsy and Robin

I am so mad they stole MY Argentine Tango song (look at the song recommendations from two years ago!), but damn it makes for a good dance. Not as technical as some other ATs, but I thought they had a real good go at the theming, intensity and story aspect. I didn't think the dress would work, seemed a bit frumpy at first, but thought it played out into some sort of cougar-esque story...maybe I look into this too much? And Len is right, you do not win being careful

Ah yes, I was sitting there in front of the TV thinking exactly the same thing. How dare they steal Frankie's Argentine Tango track? (She conveniently forgets that Kate and Anton danced their Ballroom Tango to it many moons ago, I think, circa 1926) I really liked this couple. We will miss them. We will not miss his vests.

Scott and Natalie

Quite enjoying Natalie's lemon bondage ballroom dress. I turned into Craig halfway through and started wailing about Scott's dangling free arm, too much ITT training footage for me. I'll be getting one of those Machines next. It was a bit oddd, like he was a touch tipsy actually! Put that 9 down Alesha...

Scott who? I'm bored of these. Like Kara, he's technical but dull. I'm turning into one of those idiots-what-votes-for-the-joke-ones but only I'm not voting. I haven't yet felt strongly enough to do so...though if someone starts threatening my Pamela, I may begin to...Anyway, Scott and Natalie. Meh. Oooh, just as a side note though, while I was in internet exile, I must admit he danced an extremely lovely jive. As sharp as a Halfpenny. Almost.

Gavin and Katya

Loved the outfits, the take on the Outkast video was so cute. Can't believe someone has not used it for a jive before, but it's going in the Wasted Song Choices category. I don't feel like he did much dancing in this actually, apart from a few kicks and flicks in a section. A lost chance to shake it like a Polaroid picture. I can also see Katya's knickers, oo-er...

Ha ha, great song choice. Really liked it. The dance was bloody awful but I think the glasses made up for it. Frankie hates Gavin. I don't hate Gavin. I don't care enough to hate him. He's just like a little puppy dog. What can't dance.

Matt and Aliona

Loved Aliona's dress, not to sure about Matt's floaty shirt. This was an American Smooth like no other, forget the foxtrot, this was part rumba. The facial expressions were a bit odd, but I really loved it and appreciated they tried to do something different with it. Thought the judges had a total downer on it, but the scoring wasn't too bad in the end.

So You Think You Can Dance? Whoops. Wrong show. Seems like Matt and Aliona thought so too. What was with that contemporary nonsense. It looked like they were trying to - I dunno - express through the medium of moooovement the paaaaain of suffferrrring in the world's raaaaiinfooorrressts. Or sumfink hippy like that. And it started so lovely. What a wasted opportunity. American Smooth so could have been Matt's thang.

Pamela and James

Expectations were very high for the campest of camp couples doing an insane dance, and they gave us slapstick by the bucketload! I really liked the song choice too, but thought it was all just a tad too slow to give it the proper manic quality. But I am nit-picking here, this woman is 60! How many times do we have to say it, 60! I also see the door from Scott and Natalie's jive has been given a facelift...

With those facial expressions, Pamela, it was like having a mish-mash of Karen Hardy and Camilla Dallerup back. That is a good thing. Crazy manic faces doth Strictly make. This was insane. In the best possible way. Loved it and love them. PamJam to win.

Wow, is that it? Sudden shortage of contestants...December is creeping up on us. Very sad to see Patsy go, would certainly have preferred Gavin to have gone on Sunday.

Viva las Blackpool!

So here we are in the homeland, for both me, Clover and ballroom dancing - it's Blackpool week!

Everyone's dressed up and galloping across that ma-hu-sive floor. Loving the pro girls dress as showgirls and the boys in their little white trousers. Not loving Tess' scary red jumpsuit, it's not going to do anything to stop pregnancy rumours! Did however like hearing her say 'bucketloads' like a true Lancashire lass though.

Patsy and Robin
Liking the design of the costume, not the boring colours, we need hurt-your-eyes bright pink and green etc, Blackpool week is not the week for good taste! Thankfully they got the most kitsch-tastic of samba songs, if I was on Strictly myself I would need to do it to the Copacabana (which will obviously happen one day). Thought the dance itself was pretty decent, but no fireworks.

Kara and Artem
Despite the X-factor style will-they-won't-they-of-course-they-will opening I seriously loved this dance. I genuinely did not notice they didn't do anything in hold until Len pointed it out, it was so atmospheric I was carried away with it. I also liked how they didn't get too carried away with the lifts (boom boom), they could do three and he could have spun her around his head the whole time and didn't.

Matt and Aliona
Now those are some samba outfits! Aliona and her seriously distracting fringing, all it needed was some feathers and it would have been perfect. Love how Matt embraced the sparkle quite literally and threw those hips around. The run around at the start made me laugh, I'd have to have stopped for a sit down after cantering around that massive floor! And I liked the fancy ending with the backflips, he totally earned them after such a good routine.

Felicity and Vincent
Lovely frock, great song, horrendous opening! Look up Kate Gosling's awful Paparazzi paso doble from DWTS and you'll see why I hated it. Once the dance actually started it was indeed smooth and the band are doing a seriously good job. Felicity handled the lifts pretty well and brought her usual class and grace to it, but after two showstoppers it seemed a bit reserved.

Gavin and Katya
I hate the hat, I hate the miming, I have problems with the underlying misogynistic sentiment of She's A Lady, this was not going to be a good dance for me! Saying that, Katya certainly gave a very good performance, so good I forgot to watch Gavin most of the time. Maybe it's because his tan is the same colour as the Tower Ballroom floor and he blended in?

Scott and Natalie
I am going to come out and say I think this was totally undermarked. Think I may have been carried away with the excitement of it and the jingling of Natalie's fabulously naff 70s-Vegas-cavewoman outfit. Those shimmies had a hint of the Gethin Jones about them to me!

Pamela and James
A-ha, Pamela gets her mojo back! Pamela looks like a drag queen, James looks like a snooker play, perfect for Blackpool. I can forgive the silly opening and the fact it was practically a tango for the sheer campness of it. Pamela did look like she was having a psychotic episode during the end lift, bless her.

Ann and Anton
Well here we go then...will Anton make it through the dance without his trousers bursting into flames? We can but hope. At least he got them a fun samba song even if they didn't fancy doing any actual samba dancing. Was not enjoying this until the leg flinging antics begun and I thought Ann was going to break a hip. I can take these two as an amusing sideshow for now, but not forever and there are less and less people every week.

As for the results show, totally loved the laydeez and their bootylicious number. Cirque du thingy-bob were pretty good too with the High School Musical On Acid routine, gotta love a bit of flying and general insanity in Blackpool. In fact I feel like the place brings out the extra-oomph-ooh-la-la-va-va-voom in the show. I do realise I am now talking gibberish.

Felicity? I guess like last week it was her time to go (apart from You Know Who), she's pretty good but was never going to win. Felt sorry for Patsy, but when you go first you run the risk of being forgotten. Pack up your bucket and spade and get on with it girl.

Madam Mim and the dresses of doom

Just in case you haven't noticed, it's Blackpool next week. Blackpool, Blackpool, Blackpool. It needs to be mentioned at least every five minutes. By the way we're from Blackpool!

Ok, so I've just watched the walkdown and the costumes are awful this week, considering they've been pretty good so far this series this is a disaster in the scrap bin of the fabric department.

Pamela and James
Exhibit A, horrendous Bradford and Bingly ballroom. Seriously, Pamela is gorgeous and they've made her look twice the size she normally is! OK, I typed too soon, bit of the old Bucks Fizz magic and we're away! Once they got on with some proper dancing I saw this was a technically good cha cha, but thought it was a bit slow. Would have liked a full-on, camp-as-Christmas disco number myself.

Michelle and Brendan
Exhibit B, Brendan in the scratchy Ann Summers red lace I'd hoped they'd used up last year. Michelle looks like a loo roll cover, but I can forgive that for the rather impressive skirt work that Brendan did. I do love an experimental paso (with the stress on the mental!) I also quite liked the song choice for the it-shouldn't-work-but-it-does factor. Oh yeah, the dancing? Meh, she got round the floor. Love the word nodulistic, don't love the 4 Craig.

Patsy and Robin
I know it's wrong, but this was a real guilty pleasure of a routine, I loved it! So full of twiddly bits, but lovely storytellling and I was watching Patsy more than Robin for once! These two are totally scoring points in the teamwork and j-j-journey categories. If they get to Blackpool they will have literally been on a journey, so that's ok.

Gavin and Katya
Katya survives bad dress week relatively unscathed, considering the skirt appears to be made out of Muppet. I have no idea what the start was about, it took me a while to remember he was actually dancing. The bits when he was actually doing some proper quickstep were surprisingly good, but I just didn't like this routine. The stop-start aspect was just odd, really don't get what the judges were going on about? TWO NINES?!

Ann and Anton
I think Anton got bored and attempted some proper dancing this week. She didn't get a favourable reception for her assumption she's going to Blackpool on ITT this week and she's had a bad week in the press. It kind of would be a shame if she went out on a week when she had really tried. Amusingly enough, the dress made her look like Madam Mim from the Sword in the Stone.

Wow, an actual VT of Blackpool. I lived in Blackpool for more than 20 years and still call it home, but I have never actually heard anyone call it the Las Vegas of the North. At least they managed to get a bit of sun, or maybe they just added it on the special effects afterwards!

Kara and Artem
Exhibit C: If that hat stays on Kara's head for more than five seconds I will not be happy. Once the pole dancing interlude was over I think they really got into this. The choreography and footwork was really good, Artem has obviously been watching Vincent and Flav doing the old jigsaw-legs as I like to call them. But's the problem with those two magic munchkins, they're so good we hold everyone to a very high Argentine Tango standard!

Felicity and Vincent
They look like two little French Fancies! Not sure what they were trying to do with Vincent's shirt, but it looked three sizes too big. I certainly appreciated the armwork even if it wasn't the best, some people have just forgotten about it all together. I liked the slow opening but felt it went on a bit too long.

Matt and Aliona
I have been waiting for this one all week, my hopes are high Farmer Boy...And well, I was quite impressed! The song choice was perfect in my opinion, really helped build the atmosphere that is crucial. Feeel like it could have done with a tiny bit more hip action but his lines were as great as ever. Think he got the right balance of manly-ness and...erm...rumba-ness?

Scott and Natalie
God awful outfits, Natalie looks like Barbie. Not a special themed Barbie, just a Barbie. Crikey, this was an amazing routine though, it actually deserved its standing ovation! His timing and rhythm were all bang-on and he totally sold it too! Although these props are starting to look like waste of licence fee money, how much time and money must have it have taken to make that stupid door?! It would have worked perfectly well if she had just walked away from him a few times. But woah, the solos were worth it.

My pointless prediction: Bottom two, Felicity and Michelle. But maybe Pam as a shock, because people might forget about her.

UPDATE: Wow, the pointless prediction was right for once! There's not too much to say here really, it bascially was her time to go. Ah, but we have the delights of Blackpool to look forward to next week - yes Blackpool, in case you hadn't heard!

Scores, shocks and sequins

Well here we are again, maybe we can pretend last week was some sort of surreal dream? At least someone dusted the cobwebs off the studio.

This week you have just me again, very sorry about that, but Clover is having some sort of computer-based Armageddon and we hope she can return to spangle-land very soon!

Kara and Artem
Currently being stalked by the tabloids, its amazing these two haven't had to black out the studio windows. Really great outfit too, perfectly co-ordinated with her poppy. Nice firecracker of a dance with a classic song choice for the salsa. This is controversial but I quite liked the lifts, they seemed in fitting with the dance rather than being too gratuitous, plus the salsa is much looser anyway.

Pamela and James
So glad to see her back in some proper ballroom in a nice long frock and James yet again chose a fabulous old-school song for them. A few wobbles, but we can forgive her than. Really liked the ending, it was so adorable! Although the cheesy, slightly manic smiles were hilarious! Len was programmed to love this song, maybe Pamela read his mind (there's your dubious psychologist reference for the week).

Felicity and Vincent
Wow, that dress is amazing! Also, quote of the week: Can you be a posh bull? If anyone can be a posh farm animal it's Felicity! Very brave of Vincent her him to let her do the flamenco opening section all alone, but she totally carried it off. Not sure about her hair extension though, it looked like it was about to come around and smack Vincent in the face. A very good paso, but I think it lacked a bit of the 'grrr' factor.

Jimi and FlaviaOh dear oh dear, after as couple of weeks of successes poor Flavia again is at the back of the queue for the costume department. I can hear them now "oh we forgot about her and all we have left is this scarf and some pyjama bottoms...". Thankfully she kicked some ass with some amazing dancing! Jimi was having the time of his life and I must say, there was no gapping. So at least Clover won't start shouting. Nice to see him finally live up to his potential.

Matt and Aliona
Another one I'm happy to see returning to some classic ballroom, even if it means no guyliner. Too bad they got lost in a branch of B&Q at the start, but other than that it was a beautiful routine. That's what annoys me, sure let the rubbish people use props but couples like this don't need it! Slightly unusual but totally divine song choice, made it all feel rather romantic. Loved seeing Bruno get out of his seat at the scandalous suggestion he might have missed a few heel leads.

Ann and Anton
Wow, did the costume people tie Ann to a chair to force her to have her hair and makeup done to proper SCD standards? Now these are people that need props! Saying that, I actually think this was their best routine, totally in keeping with the Charleston. Plus it was worth it to see Anton do a cartwheel. Alesha was right that it was more of a comedy sketch, I personally would have liked them to have dance to Let's Do It by Victoria Wood instead!

Michelle and Brendan
Michelle is actually dressed as a Disney Princess this week, if she goes out they're gonna send her to Disneyland Paris to wave at people in the parade. Such a classic routine from Brendan, maybe to appease Grumpy Pants Len? Not especially exciting overall, but that can be the way with the waltz, so might that put her at risk of going despite the good score?

Patsy and Robin
I can't believe how much if warmed to Patsy throughout this series, it also helps her and Robin have such a good time too. She may have faced the curse of the stairs, but it did mean she did some dancing on her own and she bounded down them like she didn't have a care in the world. She was totally channelling Kylie, but I myself could have done with a bit more camp!

Scott and Natalie
The rumba is really evil. I really have no idea what to make of it; sometimes I feel male contestants get credit for being a big strong man rather than dancing. It's traditional for men who are doing well to stumble here, we've seen it so many times before, so I don't think he's gonna go. Gosh that was boring. The four from Craig was stupid, but so was the nine from Len- is he saying that rumba was one of the best ever?!

Gavin and Katya
Oh ffs, put that rugby ball down Gavin! Clover texted me halfway through saying "Drop the ball!" so at least that made me laugh. God this was terrible, poor Katya. I don't care what the judges said he seemed to be standing around and walking a bit to me. Haha I've just noticed Gav was wearing one of those waistcoats with a hood from the Apprentice. Seriously, three eights? Mental scoring tonight.


Who do I think will go tonight? Think it might be Michelle. I shall come back tomorrow night when I am inevitably proved wrong.

UPDATE: Well I thought I had predicted it right for once, but then I was knocked sideays by the glitterball to see Jimi and Flavia go! I had practically put Michelle on that float in the Disney parade. Well that was a shock and a half, wasn't it?