Time to Go Propless

Here we are again, we're totally into our Saturday night SCD routine now, all the way until Christmas people! Sofa, check, Strictly snacks, check, Twitter fired up, check, snarky comments at the ready? Oh yes!

Natalie and Artem

I wanted feathers, not shower pooffes! She's even got one in her hair, they'll never get that out. This was a great routine, proper samba, despite the producers thinking it's Spanish and not Brazilian. I love Natalie's faces as well, enjoying herself to Karen Hardy proportions there! And Artem soldiering on despite the trauma of that shirt, oh and the little matter of the broken nose, it looks like he bled down the front of it actually!

On my protestations about the Spain/Brazil thing, snarks on Twitter said that they were referring to the flamenco theme of the dance when commenting about Spain. But a flamenco-themed samba is about as sensible as a tango-themed jive. Which is obviously not very. On t'other hand, that this had an miniscule oodle (miniscoodle?) of latin flavour made it one of my favourite sambas that has graced the Strictly floor. Could have had a bit more of a natural bounciness perhaps but I spent most of the dance thanking the Gods of Strictly that Artem decided to go propless. 

Abbey and Aljaz

Abbey looks stunning, it's compulsory, Aljaz looks strangely creepy, like a bad-un in an old Hollywood film. Abbey is just brilliant ballroom, she's got real natural grace and style and this was just as good as her others. Obviously, I can't get as excited as I did about the tango cos it's...well...a foxtrot and I only get excited by about 2% of them.

This can't have been an easy track to dance to. But it was nice. And Abbey is just lovely at ballroom isn't she? Frankie. When were you actually excited about a foxtrot? Ever? Is anyone? Answers on a postcard made out to No. One. Ever. 

Dave and Karen

Karen's totally been getting her 5-a-day. I feel like I could see what Karen was trying to do, it could have been hilariously good fun but it seemed hampered by the fact that Dave wasn't really moving that much. It looked like he'd lost his timing at the start and then freaked out and forgot the routine. Karen Hauer on the other hand remains bonkers-ly fabulous.

British style salsa. I wish I were joking. Lilia has now been out-turbanned. 

Deborah and Robin

Robin in a hat alert, how have week got to week five without this?! And how long can they draw out this Dragon's Den joke, I'm sure Deborah doesn't spend all her time wheeling a table around at work. There were about 20 seconds in hold, I didn't actually remember it was a VW until Darcey said it at the end. Thumbs down from me, sorry, thumbs up for the outfits though!

I thought. Really? Are they dancing with a table? But then, I have been known to dance with a book trolley. But I'm not in a dance competition. And with this: so much faffing, bear it, I could not. There were 72 bars in that arrangement. There were only 20 bars danced in hold. That is 27.78% faffing. Now I love Robin but this has got to stop. #stoptheprops

Patrick and Anya

The 'comedy' VTs have finally taken someone down, well done producers! Props to Anya for changing the routine and giving it the fun added element of watching his left hand to see how she could factor it out of every move. Good work on his own, as ever, from Patrick, it's a strange talent. Will he get the sympathy votes through to next week?

Oh woe is the frustration borne from the notion that Patrick actually could have done a decent salsa given a decent track. Oh well. 

Fiona and Anton

Fiona, you did an Anton rumba and your reward is the quickstep and a super-fabulous dress, you have paid your dues my dear. What a delight! Say what you like about Anton, he knows how to bring the quickstep razzmatazz.

Can I forgive props if they are cake. Can I? No. I did think about it though. Thankfully the props were limited to the opening bars. This was classy and she is improving. I think people are voting for Anton as much as Fiona and I think they have a good few more weeks left in 'em. 

Rachel and Pasha

Those costume people really hate Rachel, don't they? And you'd think they'd give her time to dry her hair. Overall, this was a rather awkward paso. She was obviously trying really hard, but that was probably where she went wrong. Her paso face looked like she had a headache and was trying to read some small print.

Hmm. So last week she didn't have a costume and was forced to raid the pound rail in Blackpool Primark. This week wasn't much better. She is such a pretty thing and the stylists (though I'm using the term loosely in this case) appear to be trying to make her look as ridiculous as possible. That can't be helping her confidence. If she's in next week, can she have a happy dance? And a pretty dress? Please? And also, giving a non-actor a 'role' so grossly out of a character is a tad unfair. I don't know if that's Pasha's fault or the producers' but there's is nothing written into the Paso. Doble. Law. saying one has to be gothic and slutty. 

Mark and Iveta

Ooh look, some proper dancing, Iveta I salute you and your quite frankly gorgeous dress. The man has skill and is being given some great choreography. These two are going to go far, no split in the comedy vote situation tonight after a proper routine from these guys and Dave's car crash. Also as a side note, that version of the song by the band seemed better than the original!

Mark is the version of Dave that can actually dance. A straight waltz and it was still good. Iveta. You are marvellous. 

Ashley and Ola

Has this guy not read The Winning Formula? Point two is quit your day job! This weekly routine is going to kill him, at this rate he's going to spend the rumba lying down on the floor for a bit. But despite all that, this was a pretty good jive. Despite moaning on about shoes and playing a pretend guitar. Ola's jive face is so full of glee though, I love it!

Now I appreciate he's busy and Ola's tried to fill the time but no, no. Not enough jive in that jive.

Susanna and Kevin

I am loving these outfits, Susanna's looks like something out of Hairspray and Kevin looks like he's going to give us a tour of Cadbury World. The American Smooth was made for these guys (especially since it's a made-up dance) and you just knew it would be a delight. It didn't knock my socks off, but not every week can bounce, bums and bongos insanity. Once again, fine job you two.

This was so sweet that too much could induce one to vomit. Now, here's something interesting about Kevin from Grimsby. Now I thought everyone loved him. He's joyful. And dressed as Professor Plum. Well no. Salsa-friend-Julia says he's rude for dipping a beginner against her will on first meeting. Rewatch the launch show. She's right. And now I'm confused about my own principles. So thanks Salsa-friend-Julia and Kevin-from-Grimsby, between you, you have created my latest existential crisis. 

Ben and Kristina

Are we now at the stage where we're re-using song choices that were a bad idea first time around? And then it actually pushed Len into his first Messin Abaut rant of the year, but then of course it got sevens. It wasn't that bad, and there was much of the Ben winning smile, but there could have been so much more...

Len has come out of his trance and seen the light. Thank bejesus. This took faffing to the extreme. But if they were given 31 points for Ben standing around doing nothing, like last week, then really, I don't blame them for trying it on this week. #stoptheprops

Sophie and Brendan

I don't care if it's Michael Jackson, I don't think I have ever heard this song before in my life. I didn't think this was going to be Sophie's dance, but then again Brendan doesn't do the kitsch-tastic disco cha cha. I don't know how he managed a haughty cha cha though! As the judges said, technically good but lacking sparkle.

Oh Sophie, stick on some rimmed glasses and do it again. If you're going to dance every dance in a hipster style, at least dress the part. Like her samba, she looked like she was just too cool to be there. It wasn't bad but it's getting a little Groundhog Day.