Sunday, 21 September 2014

The Winning Formula - Version 6.0

It's time for my annual stab-in-the-dark-plus-science, as I try to work out through the loosest of methodologies who is going to win SCD this year. Can you believe this is the 6th version of this?! It's also amazing how many of the variables still stand up....well, kinda...

Also, I considered adding a new variable this year, which was going to be 'dance with a new pro'. But that has only actually happened three times: Jill and Darren, Kara and Artem and Abbey and Aljaz. Sorry Brendan, but series one doesn't count cos you were all new!

So roll up your sleeves, get your fake geek glasses on and let's do some science!

1) Get the party started
Ah, the old favourite, if you dance first in the opening episodes you seem to be more likely to get to the final. Who knows why, maybe the BBC just doesn't want someone embarrassing to kick things off and sends out the popstars. And speaking of embarrassing, it didn't work out that way last year, with Ben and Ashley kicking things off - and to think I was expecting Ashley to get to the final. Mark my words, Pixie, Frankie or Thom is being flung out on that dancefloor first this year....

2) Quit your day job
Speaking of Ashley, maybe he would have made it to the final if he wasn't involved in some sort of performing arts sweatshop doing Hollyoaks AND Strictly last year. And there's a tiny chance you might have noticed he had a baby on the way, someone might have mentioned it. Also, it looked like Susanna was going to prove that BBC newsreader anomaly all over again, but she peaked too soon. Looking around, Frankie and/or Pixie look like the one most likely to suffer from this, aren't they both doing tour work? Not a good idea ladies! Could Scott Mills clinch it with the BBC connection? What about Jake Wood? Is Max Branning going to mysteriously vanish from our screens for a few weeks? DID HE MURDER LUCY BEALE?

3) Blondes don't have more fun
When Abbey won last year I was very happy, apart from the fact that she's ruined one of the delightfully random variables - she's the first blonde ever to win SCD! It only took 11 series! (I'm not listening to any of you snarky people saying she's not a natural blonde, who is anyway?). So whilst this factor is not 100% rock steady, a 9% success rate for blondes is hardly something to shout about. Watch out Pixie and Jennifer - you're the only two blondes this year! Caroline, you're half blonde, it's your thing, but it confuses me. Jake Wood - do it for the gingers!

4) Latin fever
It's still all about those latin pros, our ballroom specialists just always seem to be the bridesmaid and never the bride (or mysteriously disappear never to be seen again, but Erin's retired from all that now - or has she...?). Aljaz winning last year is also another win for the 10 Dance specialists, could the tide slowly be turning away from those latin experts? I'm still gutted poor Natalie isn't getting a sexy young thing to bring back the ballroom dances with this year!

5) Age is more than a number
Once again, a shiny young thing in their 20s won the show last year, no one over 40 is ever going to win SCD, so it seems. Susanna Reid, you followed in the same vein as Jason Donovan and Pamela Stephenson and oh-so-nearly broke the mould for the slightly-older contestant. Now, Tim, Gregg, Scott, Steve, Jennifer, Judy and Sunetra you've got a big job on your hands. Alison, on the other hand, isn't 40 until February next year, just sneaking in there!

6) Embrace the sparkle!
That's right, every year we have to stress that you just have to LIVE the whole Strictly experience. Alison is taking the right approach, as I write this she's probably rolling around in a pile of glitter and that's the way it should be. Thom Evans also seems rather keen on those spangly shirts and he's partnered with the most spangle-tastic of pros, Iveta. Embracing the sparkle isn't just literal though, it's a way of life, a state of being, and level of conscious that requires true devotion the spray tanning, shimmering and shimmying that makes up our lives until Christmas - buckle up pros, it's going to be a crazy ride!

Here we are then, it's time for me to roll out that winning formula equation...

Dance first - day job + brunette x latin pro > 40 years old + sparkle = WINNER!

This year to add yet more excitement to the proceedings, I'm going to update this post after the opening weekend to make that early prediction, using the formula, of who is going to win. Current favourites stand as...



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