Sunday, 19 October 2008

Enough is Enough is Enough is Enough

Okies, so I've already had my say about this week's dances &c but there's no rule to say that I can't have a random rant every now and again. I plan to execute my right to rant (should be on the Universal Charter of Human Rights) right here, right now.

I'm upset about this week's results. Don and Lilia did not deserve to go (and no, I'm not just upset because we're not going to see any more of Lilia's fantastic costumes...) First of all, they shouldn't really have been in the dance-off. For that, I blame you, public. OK, that includes me I guess, because I didn't vote. But I do, oh-so-blame you oh-so much if you voted for any of the following:

1) Mark and Hayley

2) Andrew and Ola

I would add Heather and Brian to the above list but I don't believe anyone voted for them anyway so that would be moot.

Did Mark get votes because he decided to pull a pair of fishnets over his (admittedly fine) torso? OK, I can accept that. At least I can see the reason for it. But Mr. Smugness McSmug of Castle Smugley, Smugtown, Smugashire, SM1 6UG? Why Andrew got votes is beyond comprehension. I can only hope that he trips over his cape in the Paso Doble, lands head first into a front-row celeb, gets sued for ruining his/her fine Versace get-up, starts a fight with said celeb (oh let it be Marian Keyes - she'd eat him for breakfast...), ends up with two black eyes that even Clinque's finest cannot put right and puts us all out of our misery. But of course, all that would probably work in his favour...strike all that. I just hope you DON'T VOTE FOR HIM.

I'm also equally, nay MORE, angry at the judges. Craig, Arlene, Bruno - this one's for you. What the fleckerl were you thinking? Heather may have flashed her eyes and teeth but as Len said, Don's performance was far more polished. Don and Lilia made a lovely partnership and, in hindsight, I'm beginning to think that we didn't see enough of them. It was genuinely touching when they took to the floor for their last dance. But Len, you're not off the hook. I'm still annoyed about Lisa's fact, I became even angrier after watching the quick re-cap of the dance on the results show this evening. 9? Ridiculous.

A friend of mine, Paula, thinks that sometimes the judges decide who is 'good' and who is 'bad' before the celebrities even dance - and then, when they do dance, the judges are blinded by their prior assumptions. This could be said of Heather. Yeah, she did a great Salsa. Therefore she is 'good' - and a questionable Quickstep and a shocking Samba cannot shake that reputation. Well it's shaken it from my point of view, honey, and it's all shook up. Bored now.

Now I'm not one for change, so what I'm going to say now is very controversial. I think it's time to shake up (it's late, I'm running out of cliches) the judging panel. If Arlene truly is thinking of leaving, let her go. I don't think she has said a single thing of note or worth this year so far. I'm all for judges being from different dance backgrounds but I think now the show would benefit from another latin/ballroom specialist judge. And since Karen Hardy has hinted she may not choose to dance another day (well, series), I say get her in as a judge.

Next week I want to see something different. I want to see a wow-factor dance from Rachel and Wee Vincent. One more so-so, pretty but lacklustre performance and I'm going to get tired...I'm giving them one more chance because I'm in a generous mood (can you not tell?). I want to see fair marks for Lisa and Brendan - as I have mentioned already this week, if they're over-marked again, I'll start to smell a Roland. IT DID NOT DESERVE 35; IT DID NOT, IT DID NOT. I want to see Heather's hair crafted into some other strange out-of-date style. I'm thinking bee-hive. Why not? It might distract us from her terrible dancing. I want to see Cherie back at the top of the leaderboard with a decent song to match her beautiful dancing. I want to see Mark Foster and Hayley Holt out - I'm sorry, but I just don't get it. I want to see the sleeves ripped off Austin's costume...well, only if he's dancing latin, I'll admit that would look a little odd if he's waltzing. There is decorum to all this, yer know. I want to see Christine and Matthew carry on smiling (it so should be a film about them) like the happy little bunnies they are. If they're dancing the Paso though, the smiling might seem a tad bizarre - let's hop(e) they're doing the Viennese. I want to see Jodie go from strength to strength. She is cool. We like. I want to see John Sergeant dance the Paso Doble. Enough said. I want to see Mr Charming-Pants Chambers crank it up another notch...come on, I know Austin's going to be on top form (the sportsman spirit!) and I love the rivalry. I want to see Don and Lilia back on the dancefloor where they should be.

And I want to see Andrew Castle stuck in stocks being pounded by rotten tomatoes.

No comments: