The du Beke salsa of doom....

It's quarter finals time, there's four people- how appropriate! There's so few contestants to come down the stairs this week that they've had to throw a pro dance in at the start, well done Mr Ian Waite for saving the show...

Ali and Brian - Tango

The use of terribly inappropriate music has got to be the thing that has upset me the most this series, and considering the amount of upsets we've had that is quite a big deal! It's not that I want totally traditional music (Black to Black was a great choice) but I simply cannot imagine sexual tension in a dance that reminds me of my dad playing the guitar! Whilst squinting through the music, I could recognise that this was pretty good and the staccato was nice and sharp. Ali's 'omg, i'm about to fall over' face halfway through was amusing too. Darcey is already freaking me out.

FFS, this is Strictly not Guitar Hero. What is with the misguided rockcheese for tangos this year? Me no likey. Like Frankie, I'm not an uber-traditionalist - I thought Darren's choice of Maneater was inspired - but this series has not. been. good. All in all, this was a good dance. Not marvellous but certainly one of the few that's just about worthy of a quarter final.

Laila and Anton - American Smooth

Great frock, looks like something I would buy in Karen Millen in a fit of 'I'll need this when I'm on Strictly' delusion. I was looking forward to an American Smooth from Anton too and he did make a great song choice and chose some sensible lifts. However, Laila looked a bit....confused? Craig did really lay into her, but I do agree it was a tad disappointing for the quarter finals. And how would Darcey know if this was supposed to be 'Laila's dance' when she's never been there before?

Pffft, I thought this was actually quite delightful. I think I was just watching the lovely dress (oh it was lovely) - the whole thing oozed class. Well, I thought it did until I realised you couldn't only drive a bus, but mayhaps The Titanic between Laila and Anton. Those following me on Twitter at the time will have been subjected to the following tweet: GAPPING! GAPPING! GAPPING! For that, I can only apologise. Sorry for blasting your virtual ears off.

Chris and Ola - Waltz

Here comes Team Cola, with Ola in a very nice princess dress there- I wish Craig could have got the chance to rave about the stoning on ITT. Very beautiful song choice and classy choreography. Now what can we do about Chris' constipated face? Someone send him some prunes!

Face Schmace. He's so much better to watch than all the others put together. He works hard and he improves. As good as Ricky is and as lovely a dancer Ali appears, there hasn't been much improvement for a while. And that makes for boring.

Ricky and Natalie - Foxtrot

Anyone else think that dress was originally intended for Kristina? Frontless, backless, metallic- all her style. I have also been told I need to put in my pun about Natalie's golden globes, so there we are. Great foxtrot, very classy and held my attention throughout. Whatever drama we're going through this week (it was man-flu this time, swine flu next week?) this boy can sure do his ballroom. I could smell tens, my Strictly-sense was tingling.

Meh.

As we go into the latin, is anyone else rather amused by the lengthy intros by the judges? You'd think they were on Newsnight discussing the Copenhagen summit or something!

What? Frankie, get a life... ;-)

Ali and Brian - Samba

Forget best salsa dance of the series, best salsa dress of the series! That is what I like to see, you've gotta have a tailfeather or it's a wasted opportunity. D-U-double-L song choice though, although I simply cannot udnerstand what anyone sees in Daniel Merriweather anyway. Nice choreography for sure, good bit of shimmying too. A nine from Craig was unexpected!

Lovely feathery bumbustle. Boring song. OK samba. Wasn't baaaad; didn't blow me away. A party song a la I Go To Rio, Aquerela do Brasil, something corny and summery - that could have made all la difference.

Laila and Anton - Salsa

So here we are, the day we have been dreading for weeks. The du Beke rug is barely enlcosed in that pink satin shirt, here we go! Well the first ten seconds or so were good, once you got over the fact Laila was wearing a dress styled by Barbra Cartland. But then of course, it all unravelled and they looked like some people in a dodgy surburban wine bar on a Tuesday night. I was watching the armwork from behind a cushion.

Oh-Sweet-Jesus-Mary-Joseph-Seven-Sheep-A-Parcel-Of-Myrrh-And-A-Camel, this was a joooooke of a salsa. I actually liked her dress though. Do I have bad taste?

Chris and Ola - Samba

If someone from Strictly Come Dancing ever had a double life as a superhero they would be wearing Ola's outfit - Saaaamba Woomaaaan! Chris' face was actually hilarious this time and I just love Ola's big beaming smile as well. When I watch little Chris talking about football at 6am on Monday morning I am going to smile to myself at the memory of him shakin his thang in a open turquoise shirt and flinging Ola around by her ankle. I really hope that woman he gyrated at in the audience was his girlfriend!

Where there's fun, there's Always (Coca-) Cola. Sorry - couldn't resist. I enjoyed this more than every other dance on the night. No, technically not the best, but it had the most spirit. Whether that spirit was too-many-vodkas-at-yer-auntie's-wedding is not for me to say, but it's better than nothing, non?

Ricky and Natalie

Wasn't too sure what to make of this one and was a bit distracted by Natalie flashing her knickers at us. I think what I didn't like was that they were trying to be cool, whereas to me a cha cha needs to be as camp as Christmas.

Like the song, though not necessarily for a cha cha cha. I was distinctly unmoved. He is so smug. He's smugger than the smuggler of Smugton, Andrew Castle. You may no longer be a pigeon, Ricky, but keep on like that and you'll turn into a crow.

Results show

Wasn't too sure about the shows being split again, but who cares when we've got a jaw-dropping Argentine Tango from Flavia and Vincent to keep us going, treat of the series as ever. I am suspicious they have bionic feet they move so fast, or maybe it's done with magnets. The group American Smooth was also very much appreciated.

Top marks for pro dances this eve.

Good to see a bit of Bette, really glad we didn't see any more of Bruce! She is fabulous though, none of the other guest stars would stay and have a chat and do a bit of a turn like that. What a pro.

Dance off

Ricky Whittle in the bottom two again shocker, I'm having Emma Bunton flashbacks here. I think we all agree it was just Laila's time to go, just like with Natalie last week. It does play out like that in the final couple of weeks. Thankfully she did dance a lot better in the dance off so she didn't humiliate herself. And that, as they say, is that. Roll on next week!

Now how to engineer a Chris and Ali final? The judges won't let Ricky go, will they? Not unless we execute a cunning plan to foil his attempt....Wait! Natalie's a ballroom pro, isn't she?? (have you read our blog before, sorry if you haven't, it's a running joke...) Erin will surely be on the case! Go Superspy Boag! This year, we salute you...