Strictly AW: After Wembley

So after all the excitement of SCD at Wembley we return to the studio. After Blackpool (A.B.) episodes have often been terrible (remember Ronnie Corbett? We try not to), so we shall see if Wembley is the same. But then again, Blackpool is obviously better than Wembley. Duuh.

Tonight Tess is looking less frumpy than usual, but also like she's trapped in her Malibu Barbie incarnation again. Karen is increasingly looking like she's locked in the SCD attic like Mr Rochester's wife, get her out of there and on to the panel!

Anita and Brendan

It's rent-a-pro! I was really hoping for a use of the Rentaghost theme-tune. Feeling very sorry for poor Robin and his icky foot. Not sure about her dress, it looks like the ran out of fabric and dodgy-flesh colour was the only one left. Not too sure about this dance, all the steps were there but it all just seemed really slow. Points for doing the middle section on her own though.

Firstly, congrats to those who got #rentapro trending. (Who remembers Rentaghost? Is it the same thing? We were too young, guys, pssyyyccche.) Not sure that anyone other than professional contortionists should wear nude bodystockings covered only in Swarovski. Probablynotanitaski. This would have been a good cha cha. In week one. Please guys, I know she's enjoying it but just draw your eyes away from that hypnotising smile - the technique ain't pretty.

Holly and Artem

Holly has come dressed for a ballroom dance, Artem has come dressed for a latin. Although it's a freeking gorgeous dress, the best Holly has probably had to make up for last week's disaster. Thought the opening on the bar was silly, but the rest of the dance seemed really dull so I won't complain too much. But then again, we should probably be happy to see some actual ballroom. Never satisfied, are we?

Frankie's observation about their costume speaks volumes. These two have never gelled. Holly worked better with Brendan. And she worked better with that lamppost. I can't remember much about this dance. Oh yeah, it was dull. But it was overmarked because it was Holly. Same as ever then. Time to go. Buh Bye.

Alex and James

Points for Alex's face alone! We really need Karen back on the show just to see her do a Charleston. I was really looking forward to this but felt a bit disappointed, there just didn't seem to be enough content. I thought it was building to something but no, it seemed like it could have had twice as many steps.

Hat on. Hat off. Hat on. Hat off. Walk. Hat on. Hat off. Hat on. Charleston step 1, 2. Charleston step 1, 2. Hat on. Oh no, it's already on. Hat off. Hat on. Hat off. Hat on. Hat off. Hat on. Gurn at camera. Jazz hands. Seriously? Though it may have been charleston in 'style', the actual charleston step with that oh-so-mentioned-oh-so-muchly 'double bounce action' was only used for two bars. And there wasn't even any bounce, never mind it being doubled. I like Alex. I didn't like this.

Robbie and Ola

Ola, as ever, looks a-ma-zing and spangle-tatsic. Oddly enough, the first half of this dance seemed to be the same 'latin' dance Robbie has done every time and then he starting bouncing around a bit, which was quite amusing, like had an invisible space-hopper. Not sure about the ripping off of clothes, but I do always like the 'wafting of the skirt' move that seems to be compulsory in the samba.

This samba might have looked like his salsa but this samba was more samba than his salsa was salsa which means his salsa was more samba than his samba was salsa. You got that? Meh.

Chelsee and Pasha

C'mon Chelsee! Wow, that was good. Proper use of the old jigsaw-legs, so much footwork in that number. It was nice to see them being so precise about it all, not a lot of messing around being 'passionate'. I am really liking Pasha as a pro and a choreographer! Also loving Chelsee's cheeky moments...

Other than the fact that she was leaning back away from Pasha as if he smelled of feet (dang, Chels, it's not a ballroom dance) this was really quite stunning. The footwork was delightfully intricate. Are we looking at one of our finalists here?

Jason and Kristina

There will be so much eyes and teeth people will be BLINDED. Kristina has also stolen the comedy headgear moment of the series with the spangly swimming cap, as debuted by Denise Lewis and never seen again. Much more energy and jigging about than Alex and James, but not quite the ZOMG-hyper-active-I'm-going-explode level of excitement I like to see in a Charleston.

Oh the judges like Jason so they forgot to mention that this had no Charleston steps in. They are like sooo professional and consistent. Um. Ok, so the footwork was fancy and there was some double bounce action, but still very little of actual charleston steps. Stoopid.

Harry and Aliona

I think they went for colour blocking with Aliona's dress, but I'm distracted because it reminds me of something I think Lilia wore with Darren Gough many years ago. And also the nicked song choice. But oh my word, there was footwork! It was in hold! There was dancing!

A recent poll in a UK Men's magazine asked which Strictly pro they would most like to see propless. They said Aliona. It is the only explanation. This was in hold, it wasn't flashy - it was, as Arlene might have described, delicious. Len's ten was deserved. Go Harry! Get back on your broom and catch the snitch again next week! Wait, wrong Harry. Go Harry! We hear Pippa's on the market again now if you're still after the sister! Win! Wait, wrong Harry again. Go Harry! Errr, dance, boy, dance! Wooooo.

Swing-a-thon

Oh dear, here we go again...There's always the hope someone will break a nose, but I'd rather have a group Viennese Waltz grand prix pile-up. Holly is in trousers because wardrobe hates her, Chelsee is Minnie Mouse. Anyone else notice Brendan doing 'How dare you throw us off' gestures from the dance-off in Grease? As ever, the whole thing was a bit of a let-down, jigging about with many lifts.

Next week we have the movie themed week, count your blessings, it's the best of the themes!

Theme week. STOP IT ALREADY.