Think BIG!

Just in case you have had a blow to the head and are also deaf, SCD is coming at us from Wembley. And I do mean coming at us, this whole thing is an assault on all our senses! Robin Windsor in skin-tight zebra skinny jeans gyrating at us at 7pm on a Saturday night seems like a 'start as you mean to go on' tactic. And Alex Jones looks like Bambi about to be run over by a lorry.

OK, has the studio grown or have the dancers shrunk?

Robbie and Ola

Well they said they were going to go big, and I think Ola's hair can be seen from space. But hurrah for the return of the lace catsuit of oblivion. Apparently there was supposed to be a salsa dance going on in there somewhere, but since Robbie isn't very good at latin I guess it's probably a good thing we didn't notice. He was running around like a kid who'd had too much Tizer!

Despite the fact there was, like, no dancing in this, somehow it kind of worked. The size of Wembley means, I guess, that they need big moves (and yes, big hair) to fill it. I think I would have preferred the whole routine if Robbie had had his hair styled the same way as Ola's. I'm not gonna mention it wasn't salsa. It wasn't salsa. Daaang.

Alex and James

Alex looks stunning, major dress envy, I like to think she threw a strop after the frumpy cheerleader outfit last week. Alas, she did seem to have got entangled in some net curtains at the start. Also loving James' purple outfit, it makes him look like the Joker. And I don't care what anyone says, with enough eye makeup anyone can do a tango! Slightly odd song, but a proper good dance.

No, not net curtains. That's clearly giant loo paper. And since when did tango have the whole Austin-Healey-Serving-Hors-D'Oeuvres-Paso moves in it? Other than that, I liked that it actually had some dancing in it. I'm running out of jokes about men in purple suits.

Holly and Artem

Holly's dress might had been an attempt at Amy Winehouse, but it's not very flattering. Too much nude lace, especially since people are at a distance and will think she's naked! Wondering how many drugs Artem is on right now, oh, that's not very appropriate either...Great Charleston opening section and Holly really can work a flouncy skirt. The running steps weren't great, I thought she was going to have to have a lie down halfway through they were galloping so much!

In an attempt to look quirky, Holly looks like an extra from 'Heartbeat.' That is all.

Anita and Robin

Damn that recession, they can't afford buttons for Robin's shirts! This was probably the most surreal dance of the series, and that's saying something, next time I'm at a wedding I'm going to try and samba to Come on Eileen. Might have been the excess space, but Anita seemed a bit lost during it. There were eyes and teeth to the extreme, but the oddness won out for me.

Oh dear god, I hate this song. Who the fleckerl is Eileen anyway and why the hell is she never ready? And what was this dance meant to be? I missed the intro and I just couldn't tell. Oh samba? REALLY? Well, if nothing else, Anita has indeed graduated from the Dallerup-Hardy school of eyes and teeth. But at this point in the series...really???

Harry and Aliona

HEATHENS! This is a song steal of BIBLICAL proportions. And yet amazingly it was...quite good! A lot more content than Robbie's salsa and loads of gusto. Loved the Buck's Fizz/Mummy Returns dress unwinding to reveal a seriously spangle-tastic outfit. If they'd used a different song I'd have loved it. But I'm an awkward SCD fan like that...

There is no such thing as THE salsa. Oh, sorry, have I said that before? And never mind the song steal...it's a jive beat. This does not suit salsa at all. Hated it. I had flashes of Jill Halfpenny's kicks and flicks in my head that couldn't be erased. Hated it. Poor Harry.

Russell and Flavia

Flavia looks a-ma-zing! And dancing with sparklers amongst all those man-made fibres and hairspray must have been a health and safety nightmare. The canon bit was hilarious, but it was their most content-lite performance so far. I also think doing a jive when your knee could fall off at any minute must be pretty hard.

Highlight of the night. And Flavia did a nice bit of jive.

Chelsee and Pasha

There's feathers on a bum, I'm happy! The intro to this was amazing and the fact that Chelsee did it entirely on her own without any evidence of nerves was fabulous. Karen Hardy will approve. Not perfect all the way through, but she's great this girl.

Nowhere near perfect but damn, the girl is brave. As far as intros go, that was a good 'un - in front of 6000 people...didn't she do well? (Stole ya line, Brucie). It had a nice party feel. Chelsee's definitely a contender these days.

Jason and Kristina

What is poor Kristina wearing? It looks like Ola had an acid trip in the middle of an aerobics class! Jason looked oddly sedate in comparison. Too bad for the slip-ups, it could have been really good. Also finding it amusing that every dance tonight has had a 'running around for a bit' section.

Oooh bless, I liked this. He picked up after the slip ups remarkably well - and it was so footwork heavy it was hardly surprising that happened. Where can I buy that T-shirt?

So Wembley is over, I'm a bit worn out after all that sensory overload!