2012 Strictly Opening Ceremony

So here we are again, the rumours have circled, the ridiculous people have been ruled out (aka Noel Gallagher) and the spangles have been dusted off...it's time for the SCD 2012 line-up!

Dani Harmer

Accidentally slipped out days beforehand, but at least it's someone to look forward too! Forever known in the hearts and minds of young and young-ish people as Tracy Beaker, the poor girl is 21 now and allowed to use hair straighteners so SCD could be her big transformative moment! Plus she is a wee 5"1 and will therefore probably be partnered with a certain wee pro of the Italian persuasion. I like her already, because she was very good at the Bugsy Malone number on Let's Dance this year, one of the very few good dances of the whole series actually, roll on the Charleston!

...and Vincent Simone!

From 'The Dumping Ground' to the #SCD (sorry, Twitter habit) set? Not a bad leap. Only I'm forgetting again that Dani isn't actually Tracy Beaker. You can tell by her hair. And the fact that she's not drawn by Nick Sharratt. So happy see her partnered by Wee Vincent - there's an air of S4 Louisa/Vincent in that thought isn't there? Bubbly jives to Gnarls Barclay and lime-fringing in the offing? Already one of my fave pairings.

Richard Arnold

Speaking of Let's Dance, Mr Arnold holds the record for being the only GMTV/Daybreak person with a sense of rhythm. Although it might have just been because he was standing next to Kate Garraway. One that could go either way really, but he seems pretty keen on the whole thing and was kind enough to tweet us his height, which is 6ft.

...and Erin Boag!

I haven't seen Let's Dance. I lie. I saw Let's Dance once and it made my eyes bleed. I also had no idea who Richard Arnold is. We all know that Daybreak (formerly GMTV) stars are useful breakfast TV fodder. Free advertising on rival network? Kerching. Sure he's a nice chap and bound to be entertaining. Mostly gutted for Erin. Tenth series. Really should be her year. But alas, non.

Kimberley Walsh

Here to glam up the series, we have a proper popstar, someone who has been in the charts this decade! She's also been doing Shrek in the West End, so that suggests she'll be good too, although Chelsee did beat her to it with that amazing green jive last year. Height-watch, she's 5"5 so could be with anyone. And oooh, wouldn't it be nice if some Girls Aloud ladies came to watch her perform, BBC? Me or Clover could go and pretend to be The Ginger One.

Not bad, not bad. Not quite on a par with La Bunton but not a bad catch at all. I've heard of her at least and you can't knock the group's success. My friend Simon will be over the moon. If you see a man waving from behind the moon tonight, that's probably him. Do wave back - he'd be delighted. Erm, I digress. Of course there's a whole back catalogue of her own songs she could dance to...all with such wise words too. I've spent many a time pondering the metaphysical consequences of jumping on one's toot toot. I never imagined she'd be wasted (which she already is and subsequently don't need no good advice, of course) on someone like Anton and her pairing with Pasha is no surprise. Definitely one to watch.

Nicky Byrne

He's from Westlife, despite being kind of around the right age to like Westlife I have actively ignored them for their whole career and don't really know the difference between any of them. I've just written a whole thing about him being made bankrupt only to discover it's someone else in Westlife, shame because now I've got nothing else to say! Please be fun Nicky, we don't like boring celebs!

...and Karen Hauer!

Nicholas Bernard James Adam Byrne (Jnr) - Bernard?! - the only famous Bernard I can think of is the one from Not Now Bernard...who gets eaten by a purple monster. Perhaps this is an omen that Erin's purple Monster Munch dress (since we no longer mention Lilia's turban, this is the only wardrobe horror we mention...) is going to make a return, she will return to her Miss Whiplash ways and eat him alongside a bistro salad. We could do with a little drama. But I digress, this chap has the good fortune to share his birthday with, uh, me, so he gets points for that. He looks as though he might be able to dance. But then so did Craig Kelly. And Jimi Mistry. Being paired with the new pro won't do him any harm. These guys could rival Kimberley and Pasha as this year's power couple.

Denise van Outen

A surprise last-minute entry on the rumour mill, I wonder how much persuading it took from the BBC? Maybe they were trying to get her husband in too for a James vs Ola showdown, because it worked so well with Gabby and Kenny...Anyways, we know this woman can dance, she's a right ol' West End star so maybe we can have some jazz hands too!

...and James Jordan!

Has everyone casually forgotten Denise's rather unfortunate habit of running of with reality TV co-stars? OK, OK. Her dancing. Yes, she'll more than likely be very good. Will that be boring? Don't think so. I have an inkling there may be some Karen Hardy/Camilla Dallerup/Pamela Stephenson 'eyes and teeth' moments coming up. Little known fact: she was a child model. For knitting patterns. That is totally A-List. I really haven't got much more to say, which is a tad unfair, and I hope will change as the series goes on. Made up for James.

Michael Vaughan

He plays cricket, ergo I have no idea who he is. Although, you don't get the word 'ergo' in a SCD blog very often so we're at least giving you value for money. Cricketers do have a very good track record on the the show, so that's something in his favour. But why are cricketers so good on SCD? It's not like it involves hitting anything or running backwards and forwards over short distances wearing a helmet. My knowledge of cricket is astounding, good luck Mr Vaughan!

...and Natalie Lowe!

You may not get 'ergo' much in #SCD but you do get 'ego' a lot. And most of that is just from Craig. I had to Google him too. Frankie, you say cricketers are 'so good' but really, there's only been two...he could well be more of a Tuffnell. He's with Natalie who's a competitive demon. And Natalie once again appears to have a better partner than Erin. Super-villains, it will be glitterballs at dawn.

Jerry Hall

I don't know what it is, but I've always quite liked Jerry Hall. Maybe it's that Texan drawl that she still has despite probably not having lived there for about 30-odd years. She may or may not have to wear sleeves too, because whilst being a older lady she's also in quite good nick. Slightly concerned she might get a bit diva-ish and not want to do crazy latin stuff, but with the right pro that could be amusing. Oooh and let's not forget the gift that is those Moves Like Jagger puns!

...and Anton du Beke!

There really could be no one else for her, could there?

Sid Owen

Rickaaaaaay! Get used to it, Bruce is bound to pull that joke out every single week. Remember years ago when Patsy Palmer actually did the show and was forced to wear hideous outfits and kept bickering with Anton? What larks. As for Sid (is that short for Sidney? I really hope so), he'll probably be the plucky one who tries really hard but isn't very good. Prove me wrong, Rickaaaay.

...and Ola Jordan!

I agree. I imagine him trying hard but he's a goner three or four weeks in. And he's SO cheesy. He's the KING of cheese. I imagine he and Ola are going to have a fun time.

Fern Britton

It's the Christmas special-bod for the year, although since she didn't win that will hopefully call off yawnsome tabloid cries of 'special help' or whatever. Everyone loves Fern and I really hope her famous This Morning fits of the giggles come back, possibly even mid-dance because that will be hilarious.

...and Artem Chigvintsev!

Has Artem had acting lessons because he did a darned good job of looking delighted to have Fern as partner instead of the high-profile hottie he seems to assume is his birthright or sumfink? Is that harsh? Maybe. Because we have often seen new sides to pros when they have been paired with someone less able. And who couldn't love Fern? She's a national treasure.

Johnny Ball

I distinctly remember Johnny Ball had a series when I was little entitled 'Johnny Ball Reveals All', which now sounds a bit dodgy when you think about it! He's the oldest contestant ever, but will undoubtably be much preferred to the infuriating Paul Daniels and much less creepy. Genuinely can't wait for ITT with Zoe too. He probably won't be great, but he will be fun and that is very important for the scientific mix of SCD contestants.

...and Aliona Vilani!

Aliona clearly hasn't been taking acting lessons. How rude. Get real dear, you've had two decent partners so what did you expect?

Lisa Riley

Well this was a late-entry that came out of nowhere! Never watched Emmerdale, so can't really say anything about her Dingle-antics there. Tabloid reports say she's training up to eight hours a day, which is the kind of dedication you like to see. Sure to be laugh, it'll be interesting to see how seriously she takes it. There's the a) Russell Grant I want to learn to dance but also be fabulous school and then the b) I just want to be on telly Nancy Dell'Olio school. Time will only tell...

...and Robin Windsor!

Who, as it happens is gentleman and whether he was delighted or not to have Lisa as partner, he certainly tried to make her feel happy. Because he's a good 'un. As she was a last minute surprise, I think possibly someone pulled out last minute...? No point pondering who now. And Lisa may surprise us. Mandy - pfft, I mean Lisa, seriously she's always gonna be Mandy - did have a brief spell narrating You've Been Framed which means she'll be extremely useful as a commentator should anyone have a wardrobe malfunction.

Colin Salmon

Apart from Michael Vaughan, this is the only celeb in the line-up I've never heard of, but I'm a bit embarassed about it because he's been in quite a few things! Most famous for being in three Bond films (which I've not seen) but he was also once tipped to be Doctor Who after being in two really good episodes, Silence in the Library people! I feel I must issue an apology. Wikipedia also tells me he plays trumpet in a jazz quartet, which I totally love and feel must give him some sort of SCD help, no matter how vague! He's also 6"4, which suggests he might be dancing with a certain female pro...

...and Kristina Rihanoff!

Kristina's had a couple of partners who seemed like they might have the potential to be good but then have turned out to be complete duffers. This guy looks as though he can move. Hope that is the case. Re. the scared art of googling celebrities, I didn't know his name, but I did know his face.

Victoria Pendleton

But we've saved the best until last...it's time for the Team GB contenders! Adored by the British public and also committed sportspeople who always do well, you're bound to see a lot of these two over the coming weeks. Victoria also loves a sparkly frock and I think any of the male pros would be super-happy to have her. I've already decided I want her to dance with James Jordan, if only to bring out his ultra-competitive style again, I'm bored with nice James, they can be steely!

...and Brendan Cole!

Hurrah for Brendleton. Which is my favourite mashed-up name this year so far. This girl is brave and beautiful and this pair is so so one of my favourites. She looked a tad awkward in the group dance but I'm hoping it's just nerves. Brendan's softened over the years so they should be a good team - and it would be great to Brendan in a little longer this year.

Louis Smith

And here we have our male Olympian and he's a young, flexible guy sticking it to the X Factor, the BBC must have wet themselves with excitement! Only hoping he's not going to have to do routines to songs like Eye of the Tiger or Gold for weeks on end. I've got to say Louis might actually be my tip for the win...sorry, that's probably the kiss of death...

...and Flavia Cacace!

She must have known, she must have known. Once Johnny Ball was farmed out to Aliona (I always think of alioli) she must have worked out where it was heading. Despite me objecting to random gymnastics in the middles of dances, they're bound to be crowd-pleasers, which because I'm fickle, I don't mind because he is partnered by Flavia. Ooh so excited. These are my toppity top ones at the moment.