Gosh, Dani looks like a tub of Neopolitan ice cream, maybe that's this week's Italian reference. Better than the random fountain without water anyway, the props are entering a new level of surreal. Delightful, but a bit subdued for an AS to me anyway, I need a bit of jazz-handy pizzaz. Although I must admit I like a bit of Buble for Strictly, nowhere else obviously, where the boundaries of taste and decency exist. Keep on it munchkins, I'm waiting for your AT!
Toilet roll cover dress. Check. Frothy song. Check. This could be a bubble bath. Or a Buble bath. Naturally. I am still waiting for Dani to blow my socks off. I really want her to blow my socks off. I would love her to win but Kimberley's edging ahead at the moment...
Louis and Flavia
I hate it when they try and put something cheerleader-y into the jive, it's just odd and sexless. Maybe I read too much into these things, maybe SCD has driven me mad after nine years. I've also found myself possessed by the spirit of CRH, I actually said flat-footed out loud! I get the feeling this was one they just needed to get through, it wasn't bad but it didn't have the vim or vigour it needed.
This was laid back and cool but it didn't seem as though he was putting much effort in. He also appears to have inherited Nicky's duck feet.
Denise and James
What's with the sudden goth makeover? Is she a tortured soul that no-one understands? I bet no one understands why they're doing this to the Police version of Roxanne rather than the actual tango version from Moulin Rouge. And I know Roxanne was a prostitute, but I can see her knickers! Wow, this was sharp though, thought James was going to snap her in half at one point! Or that she'd take someone in the audience's eye out with her shoe. Better song and this would have been epic for me.
Dressed as a bruise, black and blue, Denise-the-safety-car sets the pace yet again with a nifty tango. Competitors are not allowed to pass the safety car during the caution period...well that is well and truly over. I suspect she'll be the first out of the final...leaving the others to race ahead.
Kimberley and Pasha
Now, I do not like a 'quirky' American Smooth, I'm looking at you Artem with your Black Swan affair, but I actually really enjoyed this. The song and amazeballs outfit helped keep it old-school, but more importantly it had a lot more speed and content then I was expecting. Could have done with a bit more hold, but it's not like they weren't doing anything. Was it an Arlene 'I just want raw sex' moment?
And so goes Nimble Kimble racing ahead of Denise already. A red hot Ferrari of a dance. I don't even know anything about Formula One, I have no idea why I'm going on about it. Loved Pasha's choreography hitting all those little accents in the music. Didn't really suit the flavour of American Smooth but...ach, well.
Lisa and Robin
Oh god, it's salsa. Robin's skin is actually closer to the tangerine of Lisa's dress than the flesh tone of his shirt! I thought this was going to be bad bad bad, but it was actually pretty fun! You need energy for a salsa and she has it in buckets. Sparkly buckets. And there was a fair bit of content in it. The salsa has been a bit of a disaster this year, will it survive to next year? Bring back the grand prix viennesse waltz!
Oh god, no it's not bloody salsa. The Strictly producers wouldn't know salsa if they slipped on it in the supermarket. This was about as latin as Prince Charles' breakfast crockery. Love Lisa but did not love this.
Right, all change! Let's go round again...
Dani and Vincent
The first thing I did was shout 'omg there's a peplum, why is there a peplum?!' and then I wondered if the sound on my TV was broken, the drama of no music, the drama. This wasn't Austin Healey handing out canapes. A brilliant routine, as ever, from Vincent, so much of the old jigsaw legs. That's a technical term, y'know. Can't believe she learnt it in two days. And woo for letting her grow up for one dance!
I have a genuine fear of peplums. That's mostly all I could focus on whilst Dani was dancing. I imagined it detaching itself from her dress and stalking me. Chasing me. MURDERING me. What a scary way to go. I digress. The top half of her dress was very nice. The bottom half looked like something an extra would wear on Dynasty. Very nice little tango but I wouldn't expect anything less from someone dancing with Wee Vincent.
Louis and Flavia
Now this is more like it, proper dress, tails, interesting song and choreography. I quite enjoyed this, foxtrots usually bore more, and I think the song choice really helped bring something more to it. Somehow I think he performed it better than the jive, restrained angst might just be Louis' thing after all, no enforced gurning this week. Darcey is just throwing those 10s around this week!
I liked Flav's choreography too, especially the mini game of Fairy Footsteps they played at the beginning. He had more rise than a currant bun and more fall than Niagara. Darcey however, flapping that 10 paddle about has clearly been possessed by the Ghost of Judges Past. Has anyone seen Alesha recently...?
Denise and James
The rumba, the slayer of greats. And what the hell is Denise wearing? A pillowcase crossed with a pregnancy smock? I could see this was danced very well, but I didn't like the routine. They were both too busy looking so paaaaained, so much emooooootion, they ended up looking constipated. Too many random bits on the floor that made me cringe. But this might just be me, the technique was very good.
How to survive a rumba? Wrap yourself in a windsock to hide the lack of body movement? How could the judges give a ten to something so wooden? Denise spins like a demon and it was acted well (I'm assuming she was meant to look as though she had just stubbed her toe...? Oh the paaaain.) but if this was a latin dance, then I'm a brazil nut.
Kimberley and Pasha
I know there can't be too many choices for Charleston songs but that was one of the oddest ones I have ever seen. Kimberley looks so divinely cute, Pasha looks ridiculous. The theming was so weird, but her Charleston-ing was so good! Swivles, so many swivles! Cartwheels that were good and not pointless! Not going to grumble about four tens, the execution of it was so good. I may have whooped.
It's not every day you witness Biggles dancing with a sparkly blueberry. It was very neat and about as charlestony as a charleston can get. Spiffing, old chaps, spiffing.
Lisa and Robin
I've been waiting for them to finally let Lisa do an AS and they needed to pull out the big guns. And I do love a bit of Fosse *jazzhands**shockedface* Great lines and syncopation as ever, but I never thought I'd say this but I missed the lifts.
How to dance like Bob Fosse? Waggle your hands about in front of your face and act as though you're surprised to see them. Plenty of that going on. It was fun, and in its own way, fab-u-lous, but Lisa's technique just wasn't holding up against the rest of 'em. She has, nevertheless, been this year's stand out contestant and for me personally, she's made it worth watching.
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