Five Reasons Why Marian Keyes Should Do Strictly 2009

1) She is mad. Only slightly and in the very best possible way, of course. Now why, you may ask, is this bonus? Strictly this year is taking itself too seriously – only John Sergeant brings the delightful British self-deprecation it oh so needs. Marian Keyes, although not British (she’s one better – she’s Irish – it’s like British but with a better accent), would bring this to the show in oodles.

2) She is a superfan. Question: what, my dears, was the most endearing thing about Alesha last year? Answer: she loved the show. She couldn’t believe she was there and she enjoyed every second. This made all us normal superfans (those not celeb-shaped) warm to her because we could identify with her excitement. Marian, I guarantee, would be cooing and oohing over the whole experience – and we would love her for it.

3) She’d think she’d be rubbish – a whole pie full of humble. And we’d adore her for this very reason – even if she did turn out to be rubbish (I’m not saying she would be...I’m just musing over the possibility) – because we love the self-effacing, and we love underdogs, and we love Irish accents.

4) She could get to be Lilia. Marian loves Lilia; Lilia loves Marian. Marian could dance with Darren and get to live her dream of being tiny (though MK is not in the least bit large, from what I can tell from the telly) and Russian. Maybe Darren and Marian could strike up a professional partnership leaving Lilia time to write a best-selling novel. Who knows?

5) We’d get to see more of her on It Takes Two. Once or twice a year is not enough. Marian and Claudia (note: also mad; also in a good way) are the perfect comic duo. And both have fantastic taste in shoes.