Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Heard It Through The Grapevine...

It’s that time of year again when we’re all (and by all I mean me...and Frankie...and sometimes Clare at work) speculating about who’s going to be taking part in this year’s Strictly. Will Sharon O. take part? Will Alesha be any good? Will Darcey Bussell hijack the show, force them all into tutus and choreograph a routine based on Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake? Who knows? But what I do know is that after professing all year that I do not care for such nonsense as this any more (last series was just too long and dull – I feel I should add a ‘dahhling’ there – and there might have been good dancers but no real personalities and well, Sergeantgate, just don’t get me started...) I’ve actually found myself getting quite into it all again. I’ve even joined us on Twitter, something that scares and confuses ye olde Frankie, and am tweeting along with people who seem to know a darn lot more about the show than I do.

So let’s take a brief look at some of the rumours floating around the ether. The one regarding Sharon Osbourne keeps popping up to bite us on the bottom, doesn’t it? Even Kelly’s speaking to the press saying how much she’d like her mum to do it. What concerns me about this most is that Sharon will find it extremely difficult to dance a quickstep whilst clutching on to her wee doggies – does she ever put them down? Perhaps that will be a factor in her decision making process. Perhaps her dogs will dance. Probably would do a better job of it than Kate Garraway. Bless.

I’m not going to count any rumours about reality TV ‘stars’ such as Nikki WHO IS SHE? (ironic, huh?) Grahame from Big Brother. These little gems pop up year in, year out. Like last year: Chanelle and Charley for Strictly! Uh, whatever. Talk to the hand because the face is laughing right back at yours. If she does take part I actually will eat my socks. Seriously. The nice ones with cupcakes on them.

I heard /read somewhere that Geri Halliwell may be taking part. Obviously Craig and Bruno would be fawning over her (a la Bunton) regardless of whether her dances have any character (a la Bunton) I’ll admit she’ll probably be technically very good (a la Bunton) but ugh, she’s so annoying (a la Bunton). Geri always did have a bit more oomph than some of the other Spicies, however, so that might work in her favour. But Ben Shepherd? Nonsense. He’s too experienced a dancer. That would be like having Apollo Anton Ohno on that-show-what’s-the-same-but’s-on-ice-innit.

Chris Moyles. Fat. Probably won’t get very far. Team him with Smug Erin aka Smerin or Eg. I’d quite like that. (Oooh, she thought she had it in the bag again last year, didn’t she? Glee. ) Kara Tointon, the one who did the Sports Relief Strictly thing that I missed because it was, like, uh, the only thing the BBC didn’t put on iPlayer, is quite a possibilility and would fill one of the the places reserved for the Eastenders. The only other one I’ve heard is Carol McGiffin. Now, someone I know really hates her and I can’t quite think who it is. It might be Frankie. So, sorry, honey if it is you. But don’t worry, I only read that rumour on the Digital Spy forums and have no idea of its original source.

Pro-wise, we know we’ve lost Camilla and probably Hayley Who (though she lost us the moment she stepped onto the floor with her bland choreography and wooden dancing.) Rumour has it that we’ve lost the lovely Karen (someone read it on Brian Fortuna’s mother’s best friend’s sister’s pet rabbit’s uncle’s blog). She didn’t seem herself last series and we hardly saw her at all the year before so it’s hardly surprising if she has decided (or it has been decided for her) not to take part. But she should be a judge. A JUDGE, goddammit. Love you, Karen.

So that’s all I’ve gathered so far and, if it’s anything like last year, it’s all a pile of codswallop. It can’t be long now until we find out though...still got my fingers crossed for Clarkson. Yeeeeah right.

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