Saturday, 3 September 2011

And the contestants are... actually some people we've heard of this year.

Alex Jones

Forever known as 'bird from the One Show', at least that programme has a record of sending us semi-decent contestants. She could be good clean fun, or incredibly dull, but either way there is no chance she will be as creepy as Dominic Littlewood.

Alex Jones aka Christine 2. They look the same. They both work/ed on The One Show. They both have endearing regional accents. And now they can both add Strictly to their lists of achievements. Seriously, if you gave me a picture of the two of them, I wouldn't be able to tell you which was which. I'm not joking. In fact, has anyone ever seen them together? Conspiracy much? I now fully believe that it is actually Christine coming back to have another go. If they bring back Matt Cutler too I'd be happy with that.

Harry Judd

Sound the alarm, young man aged 25 on SCD! After a serious dearth of the younger man since the days of Matt DiAngelo I'm quite glad to see this guy turn up on the show, even if I was always a bit old for McFly. Although we may have to do something about that name, Harry Judd is hardly a sexy salsa name...

Alarm! Alarm! Indeed. OK, I have no idea which one he is. They all looked the same to me. I really do think that one of his costumes should incorporate at least 5 colours of hair dye. Obviously ;-)

Edwina Currie

Since when did 'token politician' become a category on this show? A few years ago this would have been a totally random signing, but now it seems quite run-of-the-mill (run-of-the-glitterball?). As we know, the older lady must be encased in sleeves at all times, but I don't think I'll complain about it too much this year. Who will she dance with? Is it automatically Anton?

Conversation at work. Me: "Is she the one with the eggs?" Librarian: "Yes." Me: "Is she the one with John Major?" Librarian: "Yes." Me: "Ew."

So does she automatically get lumped with Anton? As proved in 2009 (and do not get me started on this...), he does not deserve a partner that has a chance of winning. And let's face it, even if she's the world's best dancer, older women just don't win. (Pamela was ROBBED!) However, if she does get lumbered with him doesn't it all become a bit predictable? I say mix it up again a little. Give him Russell Grant.


Rory Bremner

In a way they didn't need a token politician, since Rory could have provided them with about 10 for the price of one, we could have pretended the BBC had got Tony Blair, no-one would question the idea after all. Older but with a very dry sense of humour, can't see him going all the way but he could be a dark horse.

Definitely a real character - or many, as the case may be. Perhaps he could be a different person each week. OMG, that actually would be amazing. Scrap my disdain for frivolous follies and nonsense, whims and inconsistencies...DO IT. I might be wrong but I can imagine him being quite hard on himself if he can't quite get something...something in the eyes...but only time will tell.

Chelsee Healey

I don't watch Waterloo Road, but yet more young blood is always a good idea. I'm seriously starting to think this show has developed ageism against younger people. Give her a good partner and enough spangles and we can probably have some fun with Chelsee.

I don't watch Waterloo Road either but now I have Waterloo Sunset by the Kinks stuck in my head...which is a better option than Waterloo by Abba...oh, dammit.

Dan Lobb

Remember how bad GMTV presenters were? Well this is a Daybreak presenter, the odds say he should be even worse! Ah, but he was a tennis player, you say - so was Andrew Castle! It all boils down to ITV coverage though, so we can't escape SCD on any channel. I'm going to suggest he'll start out clumsy and then get a bit better.

No bloody idea who he is. I'm not sure I care. So Wikipedia tells me he was a tennis player too - remind me of someone? Oh yes. Smug McSmuggeson Andrew Castle. Just tried Google images. He does look smug too. Sorry to judge only on those two things. I'll eat a banana skin if I am wrong.

Nancy Dell'Olio

Fantastico! If there's one thing this show needs it's some crazy glamour with a foreign accent, us Brits love all that stuff. I just really, reeeeeally hope she's ickle so that she can dance with Vincent. Bruno will love her, there will be excitable shouting, job done.

What actually is she famous for? Is it just for being Sven's ex? But meh, she's clearly crazy and she's Italian and you never can have enough of those in the Strictly Come Dancingsphere. I haven't got the oomph in me to get annoyed along the lines of the whole Jo Who thang...so let's just see what happens.

Jason Donovan

Ahh, everyone loves Jason Donovan these days, don't they? He just seems like one of those people with a lot of goodwill behind him, housewives' favourite and all that. He's done drag more than once in musicals, a man who did Rocky Horror is not allowed to turn down wearing some serious spangles or I will be mightily disappointed.

Ahhh indeed! This is a man who could quite easily become an adopted national treasure. Always strikes me as a nice guy and he's so my generation it hurts. I want a rumba to 'Especially for You' and lots of early Neighbours clips please. Or the dreamcoat thing. Either is fine.

Holly Valance

Continuing the cast of Neighbours who aren't doing panto, Brucie is going to have a field day with his Aussie puns this year. She'll look good and will probably be half decent at dancing, the main thing I think we're all looking for is a...um...personality?

I'd kinda got over my Neighbours phase by the time this lassie was in it so there's little interest here. I guess she was responsible for a pop classic (yes, you still all know all the words) Mwah. As Frankie says, we assume she will be able to dance (though remember that assumption made about Michelle Williams...and she turned out to dance like a matchstick on acid.) A personality would be nice. But I'm not holding out much hope.

Audley Harrison

Oh look a sportsman, and randomly enough a boxer I've actually heard of. We've not exactly had a good track record with boxers so don't hold your breath. I've actually just read he's some ridiculous height like 6'5. I'm also slightly concerned that I'm going to call him Audrey all series.

Should we allow Frankie to call him Andrey if it will keep her happy for three months? She is a simple creature. So, a boxer? Not a good track record for those on Strictly, no, but I have a young friend who's a cracking salsa dancer...and he boxes...so there's hope yet. He is MIGHTYHUGE though...who is man enough to take him on? Natalie. No, I'm not saying Natalie is a man... ... ... or... .... ....

Antia Dobson

Fighting Edwina Currie in the 'older woman' stakes, we'll be drowning in sleeves this year...I don't really have any idea of what to expect here. Could be terrible in an endearing way, could be competent at ballroom and cringey in latin.

THE BBC IS NOT AGEIST! NOT AGEIST! LOOK WE HAVE AN OLDER WOMAN! HERE! LOOK! NOT AGEIST! NOT AGEIST!

Russell Grant

What did we do to deserve this? This isn't going to be you're-bad-but-it's-quite-funny-light-relief of Widdecombe and co, it's going to be the you're-bad-and-creepy-and-please-go-away of Paul Daniels. I feel sorry for the poor female pro who gets him, it had better not be Kristina.

He actually scares me.

Lulu

All I can hear in my head is Edwina Monsoon shouting "I PR things...people...LULU!" which is going to get quite annoying throughout the series. Small and plucky, I know a lot of people can't stand her and I'm not 100% sure myself.

My first memory of Lulu is of watching Top of the Pops as a child, happily listening away to Take That's new single, 'Relight My Fire', when all of a sudden a tiny woman rose from what seemed like flames and belted "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaahhhhhh." It took me a long time to forgive her for that.

Robbie Savage

The eternal ditherer, I am convinced he lied to us on Twitter but I have got lost in the swirly vortex of tales that have been spun about Mr Savage, which is a bit annoying since I had no idea who he was until the rumours started circulating! It had better be worth all this drama.

He lied?! I shall find it and see. There is not replying, that is one thing. Ignorance is bliss, after all...but an outright lie?! I'm actually outraged. I shall hunt him down and mismatch his socks. I shall put salt in his sugar bowl and chilli pepper in his cinnamon. I shall turn his cereal bags upside down inside the boxes.

Yer, I had to look him up too.

3 comments:

Lisa Elmer said...

'Ew' indeed re John Major - why would you?!

Love the blog - keep up the good work!

I'm too old for McFly (honest!) but I think it may be Harry - no idea why, just a feeling but Ive got a feeling that mums, grans and young 'uns alike are gonna like him

barenakedlady said...

Hi, I'm Jill Boyd. You may know me from the Twitterverse. I was wondering if you two could help me out in explaining why it seems that a whole bunch of mesh fabric has exploded all over Chelsee Healey's hair, along with nineteen bottles of spray tan?

If you have an explanation for this curious phenomenon, please, don't hesitate to get back to me!

(Seriously though, love the blog! Been a Strictly fan for aeons and you two, along with Monkseal are amazing at bringing the snark. Personally, I'm loving the look of The Judd and The Donovan. Keep it up)

Jill(y)

Clover said...

Hi, thanks girls for the comments. Re. Chelsee's costume, we're not sure about the mesh. Frankie always says if someone has bad costumes, especially early on, it means they've got on the wrong side of the wardrobe department! Who knows?