Saturday, 10 September 2011

We have lift off!

Well here we are, the SCD launch show is upon us! It took all of 30 seconds for Bruce to mention his knighthood and Tess at least deserves an OBE for making a banana yellow jumpsuit look good, maybe I've had a blow to the head but I genuinely quite like it!

It looked as though an egg yolk threw up on her.

Suitably showbiz and slick opening number, just what you need to start off the series. My highlights also included Kristina's sexy new haircut and Vincent doing the eyebrow thing in the run-down, which made me shriek with laughter. Someone also needs to tell Alesha her pony tail is wonky.

Robbie and...Ola!

I've only just noticed he really looks like a horse, maybe a multicoloured My Little Pony by the end of the series. But both of them look so happy, I hope it goes well for them, even though he did lie to us *grumblegrumble*. Plus Ola deserves someone less scary than Paul Daniels.

Perhaps a horse that got stuck circa 1993. And gah, I thought there was something wrong with the TV until I realised I was just being blinded by his teeth. He looks at bit like that annoying guy from Pineapple Dance Studios too. Ola looked delighted but I think anything's better than Paul Daniels...she might even have been delighted to get Russell Grant...? No, maybe that's too far. Now despite the fact that, yes, he did lie to us, (watch you cereal boxes, mate) I think I actually quite like this pairing.

Dan and...Katya!

I am holding judgement on Dan, he seems nice enough but does suffer the curse of the ITV breakfast show. Really hope he's allowed some time off, doing Daybreak at 6am and Strictly could kill a man. Katya seems happy enough, and we've seen with Phil Tufnell and Gavin Henson she can really train a man up from humble beginnings.

Team Kan...? Or team Kan't? (grooooooan.) Now everyone knows that Daybreak is just GMTV in a new dress, so let's quit it with the talk that this guy could win. He hasn't got a bloody chance. He'll either be dragged around like a puppet a la Kate (I think Katya's probably strong enough) or have botty-sticky-outy issues a la Smug McSmugly Castle. And I can hardly bear to mention Fiona Phillips. He's clearly corny. His 'blind date' joke provoked the best fake laugh I ever seen from Katya. Blind date? Yeah he wishes.

Harry and...Aliona!

He fell in love with Uranus, y'know? Write your own joke. Well since he's the favourite Aliona seems to have lucked out again this year!

Is Aliona a Blackpool supporter? Her hair appears to have reached new heights of tangerine. Out of all the celebs, Harry looked the most nervous. And he looked positively terrified of his dance partner. Perhaps he watched in horror, like us, at Aliona's prop-heavy, gimmicky choreography. Or perhaps he just remembers Matt Baker's jive pants.

Introducing Pasha was quite a delight, he really can dance so I think we will like him. Also quite amusing that the BBC decided to to introduce their sexy new male with possibly the campest dance we've seen in a while! Richard Branson should hire the Strictly ladies for the next Virgin Atlantic campaign...

Yes he certainly can dance. Unlike that twelve year old with no ballroom experience they hired last year. Poor Tina - she probably could have done really well with a partner that could lead. Ach well, Pacha, yes. Perhaps it wasn't the dancing that was camp - perhaps he is camp. Time will tell.

Anita and...Robin!

Considering she could have been the token older lady she's got a figure so good she was allowed to be free from sleeves! Not sure how I feel for Robin, after he worked so hard to get Patsy to come out of her shell last year, felt like he should have got someone with the potential to be really good this year.

Let's be honest about this. He's clearly not on the market or he bats for the other team. The single, straight pros get the hot, pretty gals. It's not abaaat the dancin' no more. I haven't got much to say about these two unfortunately. They might gather enough public support to fill out three weeks if they're lucky. Otherwise, they just fodder. Innit.

Chelsee and...Pasha

Well the new boy has got the youngest girl and she's very enthusiastic, maybe he's lucked out here. These two could be an unknown quantity. Not sure about the shorts though, could they be the new Cursed Trousers?

And here's my point. Young gal + new Russian = haven't-we-been-here-before? For those who have been wondering, her accent is Lancashire. She's from Eccles. Famous for cakes filled with flies.

Lulu and...Brendan!

Well this will be a fun pair, hopefully she'll dance better than Jo Wood and they can have a laugh. She looks amazing in that super-spangly frock and a lot of people seem to think she'll be quite good, so Brendan will have something to work with. Thought it was a bit mean for her to shout 'oh no!' when he was announced as her partner, be glad you don't have Anton!

This is one I did not see coming. And I really like it. Well, at least more than Lulu seems to! Brendan still has that Season 1-4 persona but we seem to forget how great he was with Jo Wood. And Michelle-the-vibrating-tagliatelle-strand.

Nice to see Dolly Parton got into the swing of things with about three SCD outfits in one, never thought I would see so much white fringing in one place. Everyone loves Dolly, don't they?

No one told me Robbie Savage was singing on the show.

Jason and...Kristina!

He really does seem to have embraced the sparkle already and if he doesn't do a rumba to Especially For You I want my licence fee back. So glad he's partnered with Kritsina, she really deserves someone with potential!

Another one I wasn't expecting. I really want Jason to be good but he could go either way. He'll either get those rickymartinhipsashakin' or we'll be stuck with something along the lines of Gary Rhodes. For the sake of the nation, let's hope it's not the latter.

Rory and...Erin!

Ooh now this could be a great pairing! He's already endeared us to him on Twitter and I think Erin could be just the right teacher for him. Plus, he can do impressions of Bond villains etc and she can be the henchwoman, mwahahaha.

Yes, loving Rory. He's our Twitterbuddy (well he replied to us, which is a start!) And despite my previous dislike of Erin, it's come full circle and I'm so on her side now. Thinking they will be a good pair but probably not winning potential...which is what we really want for Erin now. But then...she had her chance...and used ****ing puppets. No, never gonna let that go.

Audley and...Natalie!

Well, that was blindingly obvious, since Natalie is actually taller than Russell Grant! Poor thing seems to have used up all her good contestant credits, wonder how this is going to turn out. I read somewhere he has size 14 feet!

Whhhaaaa? I think he could be good! Size has nothing to do with it! Watched him in the group performance and he seemed to have rhythm, timing... and seemed to be one of the few that was enjoying it! Shame he's with Natalie. Bound to take the fun out of it.

Russell and...Flavia!

Wow, Flavia is a really good actress! I'm sure he's a lovely man, but you really wouldn't have to be choreographing him week after week. Although if he;s lost 10 stone he is at least committed to this.

Agreed. Flavia deserves an Oscar. Poor wee thing standing there all evening thinking 'not me not me not me not me' one by one the dancers are paired off...looking over at Russell...looking over at Audley. Thinking s**t.

Group dance

Feathers! Chairs! Legs!

Alex and...James!

Wow, someone up there likes James. Another potentially good person, ok, we didn't know Pamela was going to be so good but she did get to the final and everything! Be nice to her James.

Gone are the days of serial killer eyes and mad hair. James, like Brendan, or a fine malt whiskey, has mellowed with age. He and Pamela were a delight. And Alex is so much so that she will now be known as Alex SoLovely Jones. It will be like Strictly wandered into the set of Gavin and Stacey. I hope she can dance.

Holly and...Artem!

Seriously, the tabloid rumours have started already? Couldn't we have left them in peace? Well she's tipped to be quite good and I love the huwouage sequins hanging off her dress!

Meh. Been there. Done that. Bought the T-shirt. Sewed my own sequins on it. She's bound to be at least a bit good...but is she interesting enough? Time will tell.

Nancy and...Anton!

Shock couple! I so had her pegged for Vincent and he was standing there with his happy wee face, but no! This could actually be hilarious, she probably won't get too far but it's nice to have a different dynamic than Anton with the comedy old duffer.

Nancy is bigger than Jesus.

Edwina and...Vincent!

Vincent now seems to be the guardian of the older lady all of a sudden, Stephanie Beecham, Felicity Kendall and now Edwina. The poor woman is the only person in our poll so far to have no votes, but then again the poll is always wrong!

Completely uneggspected (sorry). Of course, we all kinda assumed that Edwina would end up with Anton so I'm kinda pleased the beeb mixed it up a tad. Vincent and Anton looked genuinely surprised too. And as Frankie forgot to mention the sleeves, I'll point out that at least she didn't have two - only one and a half.

Group dance

I always love how the first group dance involves a lot of walking and clapping along to the music. And some of them can't even manage that. Crikey, Russell Grant has a lot of energy, and dare I say a sense of rhythm? Jason Donovan is totally into this and Alex really seemed to be enjoying herself too. Well, this is our motley crew until Christmas!

Walking and clapping indeed. And hardly any dancing. Yes, I think Russell has rhythm too. The only ones that stood out - not necessarily for dancing but because they actually were enjoying it were Audley, Jason and Chelsee. The latter of whom shone out of the group like a little rough diamond.

This series could go any way at all. I really wish Russell Grant wouldn't keep the outcome to himself.

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