Beware, you're in for a scare...

We enter with trepadation the terrifiying week that is Halloween SCD...not because of some panto *oooh-isn't-this-scary* thing, but because we're wondering if this can possibly be as full of plastic props, gimmicks and daft song choices as last year. Saying that, Brucie looks exactly the same and Tess looks pretty hot! Plus Craig arriving on his broomstick was a hoot!

For the sake of not sounding like a broken record, I promise that I will do my best to watch the show, to serve the readers and not to moan about any of the following: songs repeated from previous series, props, inconsistent marking or lack of actual dancing. Brownie honour.

Russell and Flavia

If there was ever a suitably crazy couple to kick off Halloween week it was these two, and with something as surreal as a samba too! Better the Devil You Know makes a brilliantly campstastic samba song for any week and woo look at the hotness of Flavia in a catsuit. And on top of all that, they did some dancing, who would have thunk? Not his best at all, but I don't care.

Dancewise, this was a bit phooey. Samba clearly ain't Russell's thang. His timing was off and it all came off as a wee bit messy. I didn't like the song choice either.

Chelsee and Pasha

This is the problem I have with themed weeks; after that amazing quickstep last week, didn't you just want to see Chelsee do a proper tango? Technically she is definitely improving, but there was no tension in it. I didn't even notice the dress malfunction until the end, it wasn't like the Lilia Samba Disaster of 2005. And shock, horror, Alesha was right, they are a great partnership and she is really coming on.

Chelsee really is coming on and given the extra things she had to think about during that routine, she actually pulled it off (resist temptation to joke there) fairly well. I like Pasha too. He seems to have the energy and enthusiasm that we first saw from Artem last year - but without Artem's arrogance (Preparing for inevitable backlash from Artemites - defence shield activated, pistols at the ready) This was nowhere near as good as her quickstep but given the circumstances, that's more than understandable. Give the girl some support. And I'm talking to the costume department there as well as the general public.

Audley and Natalie

I wasn't sure why Natalie had decided to dress herself as a particularly fabulous Poison Ivy until the song started. In fact Natalie's outfit was the best thing about it. Doing a jive is only going to be hard for Audley and the fact that it was a theme week helped them cover this up.

Frankie tweeted that Natalie (aka evil genius) arranged this entire themed week to get Audley through the inevitable mess that was always going to be his jive. Don't be so ridiculous, Frankie. What a notion! Of course that's not what happened. What happened was: Erin arranged the themed night in the hope that Audley would trip up over his own feet (despite them being so tiny an' all) in the smoke effect that seemed to be covering the entire set. I believe the next stage of her plan involved subliminally messaging Len to blame Natalie, wholly and completely, for Audley's fall and string her up by her spangly sewn-in pants to the aerial attachment that lowered Craig in that evening. However, something to do with the smoke affected Erin's ability to control Len's mind and her whole plan fell apart. It's the only explanation.

If I'm honest though, E.G.E. (Evil Genius Erin - oh we so love you now, we do), may well get her own way this evening anyway as this was so distinctly unwhelming I got distracted by a patch of wet paint drying on my wall.

Alex and James
James might be nicer these days, but he still has the eyes of a killer! Now a paso is always going to be more suited to Halloween than a samba, but using Brendan's goth samba song from seven years ago (SEVEN, I just counted!) is just lazy. Alex looked genuinely terrified, bless her. There was a paso in there for sure, but technique wasn't great. Totally overmarked.

James looked positively frightful. And I forget what Alex SoLovely Jones looked like because I was so freaked out by Mr Vampy Jordan. Oh yes, she was wafting about in a pale chiffon number and spent most of the routine looking surprised yet pained at seeing her own arms. Alex needs to build on her core strength. To me, she looks as though she's about to topple over most of the time and although she is going through the moves, it's like her limbs aren't really connected to her middle. Or like she has little energy in them. I have no idea what to suggest. Perhaps pilates. Or pie, chips and gravy. For the carbs, like.

Holly and Artem

Goregous costumes and a genuinely interesting idea. I was properly surprised when they actually did some dancing in hold, but it only lasted for about five seconds so I got over it. I love how we can judge on the American Smooth even though it's a totally made-up dance. Oh hang on, that's what overmarking looks like...

Alesha loved the concept. Probably this was because this was the dance that has the least to do with Strictly that has ever been on the show. And Alesha don't know nuffink about nuffink. The music and costumes were beautiful - and on another show, the choreography would have been OK. But 'American Smooth' (even if it were a real dance rather than a dance style - grr grr) isn't an excuse to do whateverrr you want - you don't - or shouldn't earn that right until you reach the final and get to perform a showdance. I wasn't all that impressed with Holly's performance either. She just seems to be going through the motions. She is so passive it is like the dance is something she's allowing to happen to her rather than something she is actively engaging in. She is winning points for a perception that is never going to become reality. And that is not fair.

Nancy and Anton

There's nothing better than a rumba between two people who probably hate each other. Also quote of the year "The coffin needs to be sparkly". Shockingly, there was a lot rumba content in there, whether is was done well is a different matter. Keeping with the Halloween theme Anton resurrected his sparkly Widdecombe pants and was prompty buried in them.

Forgive me for smirking at Nancy emerging from the coffin and taking a swig from that goblet. It reminded me of Karen from Will & Grace. That is all.

Harry and Aliona

After the 50% waltz last week, maybe we can get up to around 75% tango this week? Wishful thinking, this week's excuses for not being in hold include sitting down and holding masks. Len said what we are all thinking, Harry is really good when he's doing the dance he's supposed to. I'm getting bored of this week after week!

Remember when Hershey's chocolate Kissables could not longer be called chocolate because they didn't have enough chocolate/cocoa content? This is the same. This was not a tango. It was, like, tango candy. Full of rubbish and no good for you. Sort it, Aliona.

Robbie and Ola

Robbie is dressed as a member of My Chemical Romance, while Ola is a goth Red Indian, Halloween week continues its never ending parade of randomness. Ola was brave for giving him so much content on his own, but the standard really wasn't good and I'm worrying he's losing momentum.

Ola looked as though she might break into the children's classic 'Pow wow, pow wow, we're the men of the old Dun Cow' (moo?) either that or she was looking for a bit part in Pocahontas The Musical. Yay for content, nay for technique. Robbie is a ballroom man so he may have a week or two left...but can't see him surviving a samba.

Anita and Robin

I do love Robin's super-high trousers and Anita's crazy faces. This was actually a tango; she's mastered learning a dance and then performing it, rather than the other way round. Slightly worried she might get forgotten in all the excitement of the rest of the show.

Kudos for Robin and the content. But I am getting mightly scared by Anita's manic faces. Yes, she's not doing so badly but she's not as good as some are making her out to be. It's Robin's choreography that is winning this corner.

Lulu and Brendan

If you were a celeb on SCD and someone said to you "go on, do some flying, Ann Widdecombe did it!" would you consider that a great idea? Brendan is amazing at the paso and that showed up the fact that Lulu basically had no idea what she was doing and was just waving her arms about. I did enjoy Brendan's Edward Cullen hair.

Put your right arm in, your right arm out, your right arm in and waft it all about. You do the hokey cokey, Brendan drags you round. And that's what it's all about. Meh.

Jason and Kristina

Well after all the crazyness of the night I found this quite delightful. Kristina managed the amazing feat of having Jason dancing as if he was in hold while he was out of hold, Len will be so impressed! He is also a master of eyes and teeth, which I am a big fan of. Jason really could be on to a winner here...did I say that too early?

Hippity hoppity, bibbity bobbity, skippity, pippity boo. Kristina, my my, there was quickstep in this quickstep. What a revelation. I enjoyed this. Didn't deserve a ten (sorry I had to bring that up - who's for a Twitter campaign for hiding Alesha's 10 paddle?) but other than that THANK GOODNESS FOR JASON. Strictly clearly needs a good neighbour.

If You Wanna Make It, Twinkle While You Shake It

With hope in my heart, a song in my soul, and thoughts of such delights as bunnies and bobbypins and balloons, I sat, eagerly anticipating this week's Strictly Come Dancing. Nay, scratch that, I was actually sitting at my laptop (on Twitter for those of you in the know) typing actually with my fingers crossed ('tis possible you know) in the hope that this week's dancing would make up for that farce-of-a-themed-show last week. Did it? Not really, no. But, as they say in the biz, on with the show.

Hey kids, I'm back! Thanks to Clover for keeping the place so sparkly-ship-shaped. Slightly taken about by Tess' 70s wallpaper dress already.

Jason and Kristina
There was very little Spanish about Jason's line: unfortunately, it was more tatties than tapas. The poor lamb was stomping about like an angry toddler in a Christmas cracker costume. I spotted toe leads and balletic arms, neither of which are gonna be great for a paso, but in contrast, may spell good things for his rumba. Let's hope. He's definitely a trier. But this just wasn't his dance. And that's allowed. But does anyone know why he finished the routine with the Scout salute? Confused me. Dib dib dib.
I probably shouldn't admit it, but I loved the Big Fat Gypsy Wedding tango last week. And you can't beat a bit of Queen and leopard print on a Saturday night. Didn't really think the routine was up to much until the skirt action, which had me in suspense as to whether we were going to have a Spanish Buck's Fizz moment. Perfectly acceptable dance, but not as exciting as I'd hoped.

Alex and James
Alex looked hawwwt. The rumba kinda didn't though, which was a shame. Listen to me, I'm sounding like I'm trying to make out I know, like, every-uh-thing about dance (which I certainly don't - I know as much as the average Joe - and slightly less than the average Bill) but years of watching SCD does rub off on one slightly doesn't it? I think your average fan over the series will have picked up on the fact that in the rumba and cha cha, the toe lead creates zat elusive 'heep action' that Bruno was chunnering on about. This was sadly missing with Alex. But I still like this pair, am glad they are still in and wish them well for next week.
Unless you're going to be amazing at the rumba, the best thing to do is just to survive it. And all whilst looking amazing in a catsuit and dancing to a horrible song, well done Alex! A four was well harsh Craig, innit.

Rory and Erin
Ack. There was some cringeworthy Jimi Mistry like body movement here. Which often results from a non-latino trying to move in a latino-ish way. This was a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy with poor Rory - he had convinced himself that a wee Scot from Edinburgh would never be able to do it. So he didn't. Even the music was shouting at him over and over 'DANCE TO THE MUSIC' and again, he didn't. Erin will be gutted of course. The glitterball out of her grasp yet again. Of course, she will have plenty more time now to devote to bringing down her arch-nemesis Natalie Lowe. Campaign for a good partner next year for Erin please! In her 10th series, just let her win.
Oh dear, Erin was in denial about how good this cha cha could be. I guess Rory has the curse of Man Not Very Good At Latin, but MNVGAL isn't a good acronym. At least Erin's frock was rather nice, and we still love Rory. (Noooooo! I've just seen that Rory went out this week, I am outraged!)

Audley and Natalie
Audley had to channel his inner Billy Elliott for that ballet task this week. What do you mean boxers don't do ballet? It is a bit like ballet. You have to be light on your feet, agile and strong. OK, there's no music and you have to throw a few punches but we can overlook those tiny details. But that's by the by. I counted six bars before Audley did anything other than stand up and grin cheesily at Natalie. Yet les judges said nothing. Gah, shurrup self, this actually was an improvement and a good effort. Natalie was dressed in a proper shower poof princess dress and span around a tad too much but yeah, it wasn't so bad. I guess.
There was spinning and sparkles, but that was about it. Sorry, but I can't bring myself to get excited about Audley. Totally overmarked!

Nancy and Anton
First of all. Hurrah. Paso Doble music. Great. Nancy is also great at drapery. That is, flinging herself dramatically at Anton. It actually looks good. The bits that involved her feet connecting with the floor weren't quite so successful. There seemed to be an element of goose-stepping-crossed-with-sleep-walking to her movement. Anton's playing it for laughs as usual which may not be completely fair - but let's face it, Nancy was counting out loud, she's never going to win, so she might as well have a laugh. And blow me down and Coup de Pique me to Peckham, she actually smiled at the end of this one.
Loving watching Nancy wander around a field of cows in leather trousers, I also love the way she seems to forget she's on TV and starts prattling on about nothing in particular. Not sure what was going on with the arm and skirt, looked like it was in a splint or something. Although, to be fair, at least Anton did try and choreograph a paso, rather than sitting her on a mechanical bull or something.

Lulu and Brendan
Nice to see Lulu enjoying herself a bit more - and it showed in her performance. Perhaps she liked the choon. Didn't get the whole running up the stairs thing. Perhaps they got confused and thought it was Halloween week and decided to play the dumb-blonde-in-movie-what-runs-up-stairs-and-gets-stabbed-by-psycho. Who knows? And Brendan broke the curse of Samba! I'm pretty sure Frankie might have been the first to point that out to him when she bumped into him at a tube station a few years ago.
Oh crikey, I'd forgotten I'd mentioned the samba to him all that time ago. I had to go all the way back to Natasha to think of a good one! Certainly one of Lulu's best, despite the lack of feathers and her rather odd addiction to her flinging her skirt about - just wait for the paso.

Holly and Artem
And once again, Holly looked more comfortable dancing with the pole/lamp-post than with Artem. There, yet again, was just not enough waltz for something calling itself a waltz here. Viennese or otherwise. I can't call it a waltz. It will have to be a Viennese something else. Perhaps a biscuit. And when the fleckerl are we going to see a fleckerl?
Why were they wandering around lamp posts like she was doing her cycling proficiency test? No attempt at a fleckerl either. Len's repetition of 'yeah, it was alright (me awld mucker etc)' said it all really. Anyone else thinking people will get bored of this you've-got-potential-but-haven't-lived-up-to-it soon?

Chelsee and Pasha
Now I usually despise opening segments and themes but this was nifty and succinct. It got to the point straight away and fitted right in with la musica. And, this is, on the whole, my favourite dance of the series so far. By (air) miles. I am a bit of a sucker for a quickstep it seems but this one was very, very nice. Nippy - she seemed to be dancing on a bed of needles (ouchies) - and full of vim and vigour. The best word I can think of to describe it is 'twinkly'. I likes.
Crikey that was good! Silly opening, but it was over quickly and then it was a proper fabulous quickstep! There wasn't even any gapping, and I love it when Clover gets to shout about gapping. I really wanted to watch it again, this girl is far from dull. When does Waterloo Road finish, follow my Winning Formula and lose the day job Chelsee!

Harry and Aliona
Who else thinks Aliona is trying to use Strictly to break into acting or sumfink else? It's all about her and it's getting annoying. Harry did a good job but it was no way in a squillion-me-jillion years was it worth a ten. A TEN. IS Alesha flibberty-gibberty-CRAZY? Len was right, the first half was quites delightful but the second, no no. But Harry is gonna be gooood. I think we may, along with Chelsee and Jason, be looking at our top three now. Holly who?
Last week he didn't do a jive, the week before he didn't do a foxtrot, so I was quite happy to see at least an attempt at a waltz. But what is Aliona's obsession with spinning around waving your arms in the air? The first half was Harry's best so far, I feel like he's been totally over-rated and think they just want to keep the young man in (someone take Alesha's 10 away). It's not his fault, he can actually dance!

Anita and Robin
This was classy and smooth. But it didn't really stick in my head and it was grossly over-marked. (And I swore to myself I wasn't going to mention that damned irrational scoring on Saturday...ah well...) My major concern in this routine was whether Frankie would object to those semi-sleeves she was wearing or whether she'd consider them more a kind of Mary Portas armery. It was a much more flattering costume than we've been used to with Anita and she did look lovely. And extra points for the heel turns. Take it from someone who tried a couple of times (and fell over repeatedly), it's not easy.

I still can't get over Robin's hair from last week, bring it back for Halloween! And yes, the sleeve shrug thing did confuse me, it was like she'd forgotten to take her jacket off. Very nice routine, but I could have used a little more razzmatazz. Craig is right though, she's such a pro and it's great to see someone loving it so much.

Robbie and Ola

Oh I do like him. And I like Ola. But I didn't like this jive. It had no spring in it. Weeell, it was fun, I guess but I haven't much more to say about this. Sorry guys. Meh.

Well I rather liked it, and can we talk about how spangle-licious Ola's frock was! Thought he showed just as much gusto as Chelsee even if the dance overall wasn't as good. I like these people who are fearless and go for it. Plus a few weeks ago you would have thought a Robbie Savage jive would be a total car crash.

Russell and Flavia

Mama Rose and Gypsy Rose Lee - another cracking performance. And the advice given in that oh-so-famous musical that says you gotta get a gimmick - no, you don't, if yer can dance yer don't need all those props. But I guess if you're Russell, you'd think why not? If you're gonna do it, do it with a horn. Oh no, wait, it was Lulu with the trumpets wasn't it? Russell, you did it with finesse, my dear.
Pahahaha, I love these two, you always need a couple who might collapse in giggles at any moment. A bit more subdued than their other dances, but at least Russell is learning to dance. Also Flavia seems to have put her staccato little foot down this year and demanded decent dresses, good for you!

Strictly Come Muck About with Props

First of all, you'll have to put up with just-little-me this week as Frankie is sunning herself (well as much as someone paler than an actual ginger can do - haha, sowwy Frankie!) in Florida. Second of all, if you know me but at all (or follow us on Twitter) you'll know that I despise OH TO MY VERY CORE themed Strictly weeks. I was so upset by the Halloween special last year I couldn't even bring myself to blog. That bad. And if you're sick of my ranting from last week's salsa post, I'm sorry, I can't promise this one will be any better. But for the sake of my own sanity, I'm hardly going to mention the amount danced out of hold, the length of the introductions, the re-using of music from previous series, the overmarking or those *%$% *&%$ $%^&$ ing props. Now that's out my system, on the with the show.

Holly and Artem

Like a literal translation of La Cage Aux Folles, Holly was gripping the bars of the cage like an inmate of Bedlam. Well ok, the twiddly bit inside the bars didn't actually seem so bad. She seemed more comfortable dancing with that cold, hard steel than she did once she got into hold with Artem. Not sure what that says about him. I think they danced about 3 bars actually in tango hold. And that was a bit Lulu in the draggy department. But it didn't matter because she was wearing a wig. And that was what clearly got them points. Only explanation.

Dan And Katya

Er, what did they dance again? Oh yes. I sort of remember now. He is tall and wore a sparkly waistcoat worthy of John Virgo on Big Break. I give them three weeks tops.

Anita and Robin

First of all, Anita's costume was as saccharine-sickly as the synthetic middle of a Krispy Kreme. There is something sinister about a woman of her age dressing like a ragdoll. Especially as it appears to be on a regular basis. A little jive content at least but unfortunately, due to that gaudy pink and stampy nature, most of it did just look like a bottle of Pepto Bismol bumping down the stairs.

Alex and James

Simple and elegant, Alex SoLovely Jones looked like a Disney princess. This routine displayed a rare bit (rarebit, geddit, she's Welsh...groooan) of traditional choreography which was utterly butterly delightful. I think all that electrocution in training has taken its toll on James' hair - and I'm not quite sure why he decided to dress as Professor Plum from Cluedo - but as far as tonight's dances go, it was definitely Alex, in the ballroom, with the Glitterball.

Rory and Erin

Erin vs. Natalie The Quickstep-off Part One. Swords out, duelling pistols ready. This was very classy and I love this couple. If I were to be harsh, (who me?) I'd say that Erin's dress looks like the offspring of a swan and a doily. But as far as hybrids go, that's a very pretty pairing. Rory has the potential to be a good dancer. He approaches each performance with character and gumption. Who'd have thunk I'd ever be rooting for almost-certainly-super-spy Erin?

Lulu and Brendan

It's Professor Snape! No, it's a Gregorian Monk! No, it's, uh, Brendan. In a cape and looking intense. Because it's a rumba, innit. Lulu, dressed as mint humbug, didn't do so badly - although all that smoke was sneakily covering up her footwork. The day Len does not penalise an illegal lift is the day I'll stew my socks and eat them for breakfast. Wait. Jeez. Has the world gone mad? Hosiery on toast for me.

Nancy and Anton

I liked the cheeky song choice. And as much as Anton can annoy me sometimes, this really was a little bit of light relief. Yes, he was dragging Nancy round like a suitcase at Stansted but the music and the dress and the choreography - and Anton's facial expressions - all made up for a minute or so of entertainment. And a little giggle snort. And I so needed that.

Audley and Natalie

OK, I just have to get this off my chest: I have been known to mishear these lyrics as 'I like to poo with my baby tonight'. Which is just sick and wrong but there you go. Their intro was more salsa than their salsa. This wasn't bad but it wasn't great. It didn't have the class or panache of Rory's and it all seemed a bit lazy. But I do believe he's probably quite a good dancer if he could be bothered trying a bit more. Does anyone know what size feet he has? Erin 1 Natalie 0.

Robbie and Ola

The only theatrical excuses for use of a chair involve Fraulien Sally Bowles performing Mein Herr or that scene with Eddie in A View from the Bridge. As Robbie is neither Berlin Call girl nor Sicilian immigrant, I can't reconcile myself with its purpose in this performance. I was willing him to gimme gimme gimme (haha) something positive to say but even in hold, it was all a little wooden. Much like the chair. Ola's costume was fabulous though, in a kind of Esmerelda from The Hunchback of Notre Dame way.

Russell and Flavia

Not quite the joke contestant we all thought he might be, Russell actually, genuinely can dance. Song of course, was as camp as tent peg dipped in glitter and served with a raspberry dacquiri, but that's Russell to the nth degree. He has musicality and showmanship and a partner who, despite using the odd prop, actually seems happy to choreograph a bit of actual dance into their routines. Loved this like whoopie pies.


Jason and Kristina

Oh, call me a stickler for tradition but the technique in this was so good I was in actual physical pain (well, maybe I slightly exaggerate) wishing that this was an actual tango. Because a disco tango - well it's as bizarre as that Star Wars one from Dancing with the Stars a few seasons ago. I just don't get it. What are we to expect next? A Macarenacha-cha? A Pop and Lockstrot? Jason breaking out into The Running Man mid Viennese Waltz? Nothing would surprise me now. I'm not saying this wasn't good - just can you imagine how good an actual tango-y tango of his would be? And now we'll never see it.

Chelsee and Pasha

She is a little fizzy bath bomb of energy like Louise Lytton. And like Louisa, she doesn't seem able to control it. Yet. I think Frankie would approve of the pinky orangy fringing on her costume and we can only assume that she's now made friends with the wardrobe department. Perhaps she bought them cake. Slightly confused how Craig can call this 'too disco' after he's just seen someone dance a tango - A TANGO - to 'I Will Survive'. Think he has had a bump to the noggin.

Harry and Aliona

Meh. I am bored now. I was bored by this point of the show. Were they trying to save the best until last? It didn't work. First of all, Harry did appear to forget his top. Which was slightly careless of him. And I'm surprised that with all that faux hair combing and gel in there, his hand didn't get stuck to his head mid flick. That would have been the highlight of the show.

Ruffles, scuffles and randomness!

It's that time of the week again, hope you're getting into a SCD routine because we're in for a long night with two full hours of sparkles! Will Brucie survive this long? Tess is dressed as Strictly Barbie again this week, but gotta love the glitz! This is probably the longest intro ever, wake me up when it's over...In other news the dress designers appear to have taken some acid this week.

Chelsee and Pasha

Laughing at Bruce's pyjama bottoms comment, what has the poor girl done to deserve some of the outfits they've put her in so far? Top half is really nice mermaid-chic, bottom half looks like an accident with a polar bear (later @scdmobile called them 'llama legs', which is hilarious but I cannot take credit for). But my word this girl can shake it! She might be my 'gusto' contestant already, not sure how salsa it actually was, but thought her footwork was really good.

OK. So less salsa, more ketchup. I'm not slating her dancing but this routine was about as latin as a baked spud. Why why why why why won't the producers allow some actual. latin. music? (I know I say the same every year) This was a tad bouncy but it was enthusiastic at least - no one can expect to be great at this dance after one week's training. But more ranting: if they played an actual latin/salsa/Cuban/whateveraslongasit'snot****ingpopmusic track, I think the talented contestants would move their bodies in a more authentic way just naturally because of the way the music feels. Chelsee possibly would have been one of those who could. Shame for her really. I'm not even going to comment on the pants. That is all.

Edwina and Vincent

What is that on the side of her head, it might take out Vincent's eyebrow and I'm sure he has it insured for a lot of money. Omg John Prescott is in the audience, this is all getting a bit surreal. Oh look props, kill me now, dancing whilst sitting down is not excused. Len was right to call them out on it, maybe he can be super-grumpy with it this year. Vincent, on the other hand, looked faaabulous dahling.

And here we are again with a second year of tangotrots? Well, for the intro at least. And the intro went on for 75% of the routine. BBC, BBC, please can I be paid to sit at a table and point my toe? I'll get over my fear of being on film for that. Lazy, wee Vincent, lazy. And Edwina appears to have been taking headgear advice from Beatrice and Eugenie. Someone needs to have words with her about that.

Audley and Natalie

Audley looks like he's wearing a Star Trek uniform, if it was a red one he'd go out first (will anyone get a Star Trek-SCD-crossover joke?). Great song choice from Natalie, and fair play to her, I thought she was going to have to stand on a box to do some arm-work with him. Don't really know what people are seeing with Audley, just seems like a typical awkward sportsman to me.

I don't get the joke, sorry. And no, not a good song choice. This was not salsa in any shape or form. As Bruno said, it would have been a great disco-esque hustle. The costumes didn't help. And I disagree, I think Audley can dance. And would have danced a good salsa. And would have enjoyed it. SORT IT OUT.

Alex and James

Now here is someone looking nice, Alex looks lovely and old-style glamour. Oh crikey a prop and kissing John Prescott, am I actually awake or am I having some sort of odd dream following a blow to the head? Gotta love James for choosing Have You Met Miss Jones, plus the band did a great job of it. Would have liked a bit more in hold, but it was pretty good.

And here, what a fantastic song choice. Though I'm sick of all this out-of-hold nonsense. It all looks the same to me. On the whole though, this was a great attempt and Alex so lovely Jones is so lovely. Soooo lovely. I think she's going to be a ballroom girl but that's OK, most people are better at one over the other. I also think she's breaking away from the Christine Bleakley associations - I think Alex is going to be better.

Dan and Katya

He's my dark giraffe and I get the feeling they forced him to wear that pink spangly bowtie at the last minute. Has no one told him bowties are cool? This was getting quite dad-dancing-esque and then all of a sudden he did the criminal Dominic Littlewood bum bongo move! This was never going to be great, but there were some brave lifts in there, it could have been worse. Oh yeah, and the music had nothing to do with the salsa.

Can I rant about the music again? Seriously, I'm not even suggesting that they play authentic salsa or authentic Cuban (can you imagine the OUTCRY there would be if that happened? Sarcasm over.) ...just something vaguely LATIN would do, ffs. In fact, ditch 'THE' salsa (more on that pesky definite article later) and just do a hustle round instead. Because that's what's happening. The moves are not 'salsa', the music is not 'salsa' and it all comes across as camp as a sparkly pink tent on a sparkly pink campsite in the middle of Blackpool. Again, the outfits didn't help.

Lulu and Brendan

Will she remember the steps? Will Brendan drag her around? Will she choke to death on one of the feathers from Nancy's boa that wants to strangle her? Oh look a mirror, because that's not bad luck in theatre at all...This was obviously better than last time, but it looked like Brendan had an iron grip on her so she couldn't get away. It's all just a bit odd - oh put that 7 away Alesha!

Yes, at points Brendan was holding her up and dragging her around like a prop from Puppetgate 2005. But good work, Brendan, credit to ya, as it didn't look half bad. Unlike last week. Wot really did. This was moody but delicate and not like I'd imagine a foxtrot at all - so any ballroom aficionados out there may feel as ranty about this as I do about salsa - but this really did seem to play to her strengths.

Holly and Artem

Not liking cha cha followed by salsa, tsk BBC, it's not just all about Holly in a little dress. But I can obviously forgive that when bright blue feathers on the bum come into it! Well done for Artem for actually bothering to do a dance that looked like a salsa. A bit hesitant in places, but she seems like our reliably good girl for the series.

Yes, tsk. If they do latin one week, the should do ballroom the next. End of.

Oh no, not quite, I have some more stuff to say. Oh, a latin track. Yes, hiphop mixed up with samba. Yes samba. The clue is in the lyrics. At least it wasn't camp disco but the bouncy nature of a track such of this - especially the band's arrangment of this track - made it have a (ballroom) sambalike quality. Why wasn't this track used for a samba later on in the series? WHY WHY? Anywaaay. My first reaction was that this wasn't that great but on my second watch, I liked it a tad more. Artem definitely does seem more at home with salsa-esque type dancing than some of the other pros and this routine didn't have as many moves just whipped from samba routines. Loved the costume.

Rory and Erin

My word Erin looks salsa-rific, sparkly bra and pants with a shower pouffe as a skirt. Too bad they had to re-use an iconic SCD song, grrrr. Yet more political-surrealism, I never thought I'd see Rory Bremner shimmy in John Prescott's face, it's beyond satire! Yep, it really wasn't good, but we really need them to stay.

Shock! Horror! I don't have a particular problem with this track. This is about as salsa as Strictly gets - it's English language so not 'alienating' anyone (nonsense, btw) but the arrangement is at least latin in flavour. Oh wait, I do have a problem with it. Matt danced his iconic dance to this and so reusing it just seems, well, wrong. However I actually think this was undermarked. Rory was in time and appeared to be leading Erin and for a week of training, that is extremely good - Len's right, it's not a natural dance for British people - Rory though, message to you, I think you should join a salsa class - you'd like it!

Robbie and Ola

He really is a beautiful horse. Why an umbrella, WHY? That's bad luck too, why not just run around shouting Macbeth and dance under a ladder the whole time. Not sure the choreography is going with this, when Robbie actually does some dancing he seems to do it pretty well! Great showmanship though and actually a bit of musicality starting to show through. Ola's scream at a 7 from Craig was so cute!

OK, so his theme tune should be 'My Lovely Horse' from that episode of Father Ted? Ola, quickstep song please. (To listen, go here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzYzVMcgWhg ) It would be perfect. Do it. I don't know why you're confused about the umbrella though Frankie, clearly Ola uses it to shield the blinding. white. light. bouncing. off. his. teeth. On the whole, I really liked this. Most improved dancer of the week. Kudos.

Anita and Robin

Anita is dressed as a waitress from the Cafe 80s in Back to the Future 2, while Robin is off to the circus AND they're dancing to the song from Beetlejuice, when will this madness end?! This was hilariously good fun though, couldn't help but giggle. Love the relationship between these two, they're obviously having the best fun. Totally over-marked, but what the hell.

Has Gwen Stefani hijacked the studio and thrown up on the set? It is the only fathomable reason I can think of to explain why Anita was dressed like a school girl from the Harajuku district of Japan. Again, this track would have been better suited to a samba. Again, these moves would have been better suited to a samba. Oh ffs, what's the point? But yes, if Rory was undermarked then this was definitely overmarked.

Jason and Kristina

Jason is dressed as Robin Windsor on his way to Oktoberfest. This kept me entertained until they got into hold, which took about two years. Kristina looked freeking amazing too. There was some pretty good foxtrot stuff in there but not nearly enough of it.

If I'm not going to moan about the faffing about at the beginning, then I actually thought this was very good. My, he's a dedicated chappie - and it seems to be working for him.

Nancy and Anton

It's time for the Italian siren to go off again, and with Anton teaching her to salsa I wouldn't blame her if she ripped her dress and set fire to the place. Actually, to be fair, I quite enjoyed the half-drunk fun of it all. Much more fun than Edwina. Golden quote from Alesha "I don't know if you were trying to be funny, or if it was just funny", plus it was worth it to see her give the lowest score!

Oh dear. Someone's not very good at salsa. And you've guessed it, I'm not talking about Nancy.

Harry and Aliona

Is Aliona wearing a nicer version of Nancy's dress from last week? That won't go down well, the myth of the saboteur goes on. I have no idea if Harry is any good at the foxtrot because he didn't do any. Also thatawkwardmomentwhen Len finally loses his rag...oo-er..

Noticed a comment on Twitter that Len is really laying into Aliona. But she doesn't abide by rules - or at least is extremely creative with them. Remember her first ever dance like ever with Rav Wilding. Illegal lifts! This was nice but yeah, no Foxtrot really. I think she really ought just to ditch this and take up contemporary dance. Harry's great and should be a getting a better score!

Russell and Flavia

Another double latin couple, but I doubt it's for the same reason as Holly! Glad to see the return of the official, patented Julian Clary ruffle sleeve and Flavia has magically survived crazy costume week unscathed and looks pretty fab! Totally wasn't a salsa, but there were some proper steps in there. I like Russell because he embraces the sparkle and camps it up but also wants to learn to dance.

Oh dear. I remember why he scares me. I am quite disturbed by this whole routine. Must have been the sleeves.

This is without a doubt one of the oddest episodes of SCD I have seen in a while, this may take a while to get over! They will at least have a lot to talk about on ITT this week. Who's going? Random Frankie prediction time...Edwina.

Psychic.

No well, a bit obvious really wannit? ;-)

Here we go again!

...and we're back!

Tess looks a lot better tonight, a lot more Veronica Lake and a lot less one of the Saturday's mums. As for everyone else, there's a serious amount of spangle going on this series!


Harry and Aliona

The band did a really good job with the song, but would have liked to have seen a few more Jagger-esque moves. But then again it could have turned into dad-dancing. Pretty decent, as we were expecting, but I think it could have had a bit more hip action. He danced first, kinda, so that is in his Winning Formula favour...but then again he did win our poll so he might be doomed! Aliona's hair is a bit more restrained this year so we won't have the fun of Hair Watch.

I am fascinated to know if his rhythmic drumming equates to rhythmic feet. And by and by, it looks like it might. Great current song choice and the first cha cha this year I saw actually being danced on 2 (I couldn't tell of the Friday lot if they were all just screwing up or had been taught fake-cha-cha-cha- aka fa-fa-fa.) Regarding Aliona's hair. It is now peach. That is not a colour that anyone wears well. Unless they are a peach.

Rory and Erin

We already love Rory, he's so much fun and him and Erin seem like a good evil genius team. Rory started out looking nervous but then went into a full-on Tony Blair smile and stuck with it for the whole dance! Not 100% sure about the song choice, it just kept building and building into a mighty bombastic crescendo that seemed a tad OTT for week 1. The dancing was pretty good for a first attempt, plus there is some elegance in there. I wanna see a journey!

I apologise on behalf of Frankie for the use of the word 'bombastic' as I know now you will be all (like me) mentally singing along to the Shaggy track 'Mr Boombastic.' And well, if you weren't...you probably are now. But on to the waltz...this song takes me back to my (short-lived) days of ballroom dance lessons. And as competant as Rory's waltz was, I can't think of anything other than my teacher's rather boombastic voice shouting WHHIIIIISSSSK, WEEEEAAAAVE, WIIIIIIINNG. Shudder.

Alex and James

There's no way around it, I didn't like the song. It was too slow and trying to be cool when a cha cha needs to be full-on disco camp to me. It got better as it went on and Alex did seem to be enjoying it and her spangle-tastic dress. I am unexpectedly wary...dare I say it was a bit dull?

O-to-the-M-to-the-bejesus. Not only does she look like Christine Bleakley, she also dances like her. There really are some core issues here. It is like her arms and legs are completely unconnected to her torso. Timing seemed pretty good though, despite, yes, a ridculously slow song for a cha cha cha. Is it me or is the height of James' hair slowly creeping back into mad scientist proportions? Watch this space.

Chelsee and Pasha

Now that is the proper Disney Princess of a dress. Really nice song choice and choreography from Pasha, looks like we have a good one here! Kinda agree with Craig's frenzied comments, but she was totally into it, which is good to see this early on. Plus he gave her a seven, which not many people get in week 1!

Despite looking a bit like a cross between a marshmellow and a toilet roll cover, Chelsee did a great job on this actually. I say credit for the oomph - none of the other celebrities had much of it, so perhaps she felt she need to make up for it. Can't wait to see her in the latin.

Edwina and Vincent

How many egg and Currie jokes can we get into one series? Maybe Greggs can do an egg and curry sandwich in her honour if she gets to the final. Not sure about that necklace, so big it looked like it was keeping her head on. Oh and the song, Gloria Hunniford danced a jive to that, oh it's the older lady standard all of a sudden! Edwina is actually mental, some may say deluded, but my she is having a good time.

Yes, Edwina they know you for eggs. They also know you for...well, you know. Ew. But by the by, she does seem to be having a jolly good time. Dressed made her look a bit like a jiggling blob of ketchup.

Nancy and Anton

What kind of job description is 'Italian siren'? That's one step away from arsonist. Anton has either forgotten how to do choreography or Nancy thinks it's better just to wear the dress. The bit with the stuck feathers was hilarious, like a rouge muppet was attacking them. It really was a daaaaarnce disaaaaaarster, but damn I want to see more of this glamorous car crash! Is a 3 the lowest score Alesha has ever given?

OH HERE WE GO. It looks like Nancy will actually be able to dance but oh-the-god-no, Anton can't be outshone by his partner. He has to play the goose, get the laughs etc. It annoys me. It works with a partner like Ann, of course, but at least give Nancy a chance? But with the salsa next week I'm not hoping for much. And I have already bought the pins to stick into my eyes when Anton breaks out the hips...

Jason and Kristina

Hopes are high for Jason, let Kristina do some decent dancing for once! Guess I didn't have to worry, best dance of the night in my opinion! They look like a really good team together too. Not much more to say apart from Bonza!

Ah yes, hopes are high. But is he trying too hard? Think back to Dom Littlewood. He had the second highest score in week one...then look what happened. He turned creepy on Lilia's ass. Literally. I hope I am wrong but where enthusiasm works in week one, it starts to get boring real soon.

Sorry for the slight delay in posting. I'll be honest and admit that Frankie refused to post my birthday present unless I chipped in...so here it is! ;)