Strictly Come Muck About with Props

First of all, you'll have to put up with just-little-me this week as Frankie is sunning herself (well as much as someone paler than an actual ginger can do - haha, sowwy Frankie!) in Florida. Second of all, if you know me but at all (or follow us on Twitter) you'll know that I despise OH TO MY VERY CORE themed Strictly weeks. I was so upset by the Halloween special last year I couldn't even bring myself to blog. That bad. And if you're sick of my ranting from last week's salsa post, I'm sorry, I can't promise this one will be any better. But for the sake of my own sanity, I'm hardly going to mention the amount danced out of hold, the length of the introductions, the re-using of music from previous series, the overmarking or those *%$% *&%$ $%^&$ ing props. Now that's out my system, on the with the show.

Holly and Artem

Like a literal translation of La Cage Aux Folles, Holly was gripping the bars of the cage like an inmate of Bedlam. Well ok, the twiddly bit inside the bars didn't actually seem so bad. She seemed more comfortable dancing with that cold, hard steel than she did once she got into hold with Artem. Not sure what that says about him. I think they danced about 3 bars actually in tango hold. And that was a bit Lulu in the draggy department. But it didn't matter because she was wearing a wig. And that was what clearly got them points. Only explanation.

Dan And Katya

Er, what did they dance again? Oh yes. I sort of remember now. He is tall and wore a sparkly waistcoat worthy of John Virgo on Big Break. I give them three weeks tops.

Anita and Robin

First of all, Anita's costume was as saccharine-sickly as the synthetic middle of a Krispy Kreme. There is something sinister about a woman of her age dressing like a ragdoll. Especially as it appears to be on a regular basis. A little jive content at least but unfortunately, due to that gaudy pink and stampy nature, most of it did just look like a bottle of Pepto Bismol bumping down the stairs.

Alex and James

Simple and elegant, Alex SoLovely Jones looked like a Disney princess. This routine displayed a rare bit (rarebit, geddit, she's Welsh...groooan) of traditional choreography which was utterly butterly delightful. I think all that electrocution in training has taken its toll on James' hair - and I'm not quite sure why he decided to dress as Professor Plum from Cluedo - but as far as tonight's dances go, it was definitely Alex, in the ballroom, with the Glitterball.

Rory and Erin

Erin vs. Natalie The Quickstep-off Part One. Swords out, duelling pistols ready. This was very classy and I love this couple. If I were to be harsh, (who me?) I'd say that Erin's dress looks like the offspring of a swan and a doily. But as far as hybrids go, that's a very pretty pairing. Rory has the potential to be a good dancer. He approaches each performance with character and gumption. Who'd have thunk I'd ever be rooting for almost-certainly-super-spy Erin?

Lulu and Brendan

It's Professor Snape! No, it's a Gregorian Monk! No, it's, uh, Brendan. In a cape and looking intense. Because it's a rumba, innit. Lulu, dressed as mint humbug, didn't do so badly - although all that smoke was sneakily covering up her footwork. The day Len does not penalise an illegal lift is the day I'll stew my socks and eat them for breakfast. Wait. Jeez. Has the world gone mad? Hosiery on toast for me.

Nancy and Anton

I liked the cheeky song choice. And as much as Anton can annoy me sometimes, this really was a little bit of light relief. Yes, he was dragging Nancy round like a suitcase at Stansted but the music and the dress and the choreography - and Anton's facial expressions - all made up for a minute or so of entertainment. And a little giggle snort. And I so needed that.

Audley and Natalie

OK, I just have to get this off my chest: I have been known to mishear these lyrics as 'I like to poo with my baby tonight'. Which is just sick and wrong but there you go. Their intro was more salsa than their salsa. This wasn't bad but it wasn't great. It didn't have the class or panache of Rory's and it all seemed a bit lazy. But I do believe he's probably quite a good dancer if he could be bothered trying a bit more. Does anyone know what size feet he has? Erin 1 Natalie 0.

Robbie and Ola

The only theatrical excuses for use of a chair involve Fraulien Sally Bowles performing Mein Herr or that scene with Eddie in A View from the Bridge. As Robbie is neither Berlin Call girl nor Sicilian immigrant, I can't reconcile myself with its purpose in this performance. I was willing him to gimme gimme gimme (haha) something positive to say but even in hold, it was all a little wooden. Much like the chair. Ola's costume was fabulous though, in a kind of Esmerelda from The Hunchback of Notre Dame way.

Russell and Flavia

Not quite the joke contestant we all thought he might be, Russell actually, genuinely can dance. Song of course, was as camp as tent peg dipped in glitter and served with a raspberry dacquiri, but that's Russell to the nth degree. He has musicality and showmanship and a partner who, despite using the odd prop, actually seems happy to choreograph a bit of actual dance into their routines. Loved this like whoopie pies.


Jason and Kristina

Oh, call me a stickler for tradition but the technique in this was so good I was in actual physical pain (well, maybe I slightly exaggerate) wishing that this was an actual tango. Because a disco tango - well it's as bizarre as that Star Wars one from Dancing with the Stars a few seasons ago. I just don't get it. What are we to expect next? A Macarenacha-cha? A Pop and Lockstrot? Jason breaking out into The Running Man mid Viennese Waltz? Nothing would surprise me now. I'm not saying this wasn't good - just can you imagine how good an actual tango-y tango of his would be? And now we'll never see it.

Chelsee and Pasha

She is a little fizzy bath bomb of energy like Louise Lytton. And like Louisa, she doesn't seem able to control it. Yet. I think Frankie would approve of the pinky orangy fringing on her costume and we can only assume that she's now made friends with the wardrobe department. Perhaps she bought them cake. Slightly confused how Craig can call this 'too disco' after he's just seen someone dance a tango - A TANGO - to 'I Will Survive'. Think he has had a bump to the noggin.

Harry and Aliona

Meh. I am bored now. I was bored by this point of the show. Were they trying to save the best until last? It didn't work. First of all, Harry did appear to forget his top. Which was slightly careless of him. And I'm surprised that with all that faux hair combing and gel in there, his hand didn't get stuck to his head mid flick. That would have been the highlight of the show.