Saturday, 11 September 2010

Erin's Arch Nemesis

In 2008, we exclusively revealed Erin Boag’s secret identity as an evil genius. Single-handedly, she took down Hazel Newberry, Izabella Hannah and Hayley Holt (who?) – all talented ballroom pros, but only managed one season each on Strictly. Armed with nifty gadgets and cunning plans (each more cunning than the last...) Erin has managed to secure her place in the eighth series. That is because she is the undisputed Queen of the Ballroom. Or is she? For last season emerged another feisty ballroom specialist who was not to be taken down easily. Ohhh no. Whilst Erin was playing the ‘I’m having fun with this odd chap with strange expression’ and personality-will-win-the-day-ness (delusion, much?) Natalie was flaunting a hottie. Not only that, but a hottie that could dance. (Quite possibly very little more than a robot really but for argument’s sake...)

Lowe is in another league altogether. She has the power of Newberry, Hannah and Who Holt combined. In 2009, Erin only just managed to fix the final so Lowe didn’t claim the glory That Should Have Been Hers (we believe the plan involved some hobbits and quite a lot of torture, though this assertion is purely conjecture on our part). It was a close shave. And Boag didn’t manage, this time, to stop Lowe returning for another series. Is Erin losing her touch? Or has she found an arch-nemesis?

For yes, for Lowe clearly likes to win; she has a look of steely determination (no, you can’t read her Paso face...) And yes, we can exclusively reveal, that like Erin, our old Antipodean friend, is a genius super-spy a la James Bond only evil and a woman. So not really like him but that’s as far as my spy references go.( No I’ve never seen a James Bond movie. DEAL WITH IT.) Where Erin is Machiavellian, Lowe is a bulldozer, she’s so old-school (some say, trained by Stalin himself) At Erin’s every attempt at thwarting her chances, Lowe and her partner could be heard rallying the cries of POWER THROUGH IT! POWER THROUGH IT! POWER THROUGH IT! (It could be heard clearly as far as Dunstable – and there were even reports of tremors as far north as Watford. ) And that they did. They powered through to the semis. When Erin managed to disguise herself as a photographer and hassle Whittle enough to lead to assault, she’d done enough to set public opinion against him and ruin any chance he had of claiming the glitterball. But it had taken too long this time – Lowe had already made an impression on The General Public™ - some even liked her. And that is where we stand now, my friends: Natalie Lowe, super genius, but more over, survivor. How the battle will play out this series, nobody knows. But Erin Boag is proving herself undefeatable, surviving a mass cull of latin pros as well as dealing with the battle with Lowe. Our money’s on her.

1 comment:

ChloeEJL said...

Haha! Your blog post really make me laugh! Infact I think I look forward to them as much as Strictly itself